Police Nab Nobby Beach Man With Penis In Pasta Jar
HEADLINE of the day: “Man caught with penis in pasta jar”
Opening line of the day:
“A MAN caught near Nobbys Beach with his penis in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 kmh car chase.”
To Newcastle Law court, Australia, where police are chasing suspect Keith Roy Weatherley, 46.
Police draw their weapons. Weatherley is unable to do likewise.
He pulls over. And police find him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar.
Weatherley, of Promontory Way, North Arm Cove, attracted attention parked in a no-stopping zone before noon on October 26. Police believed Weatherley was doing something with his hands in his lap and thought that he might have a weapon.
A chase:
The chase lasted five to 10 minutes, with a top speed of just 20 kmh, before Weatherley was stopped at Centenary Drive, Newcastle. He refused to leave the car. Four officers used batons and capsicum spray to remove him.
Exhibit A:
They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue “pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling”. A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women’s stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.
Weatherley pleaded guilty to offensive behaviour, resisting police and disobeying a police direction.
Send the man down!
Magistrate Elaine Truscott asked Weatherley, who represented himself, why he behaved the way he did. He said he resisted police because he was trying to make himself “decent”.
He was fined $600 for offensive behaviour and convicted of the other two offences without further action taken.
The pasta should be boiled thoroughly before eating…
Posted: 20th, November 2008 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True Comments (19) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
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April 6th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Dolmio days will never be the same
April 6th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
Why would he have a dog with him? Do you think it has something to do with that pasta sauce? Maybe he tried to entice the dog into- actualy, no. I don’t think I really want to speculate….
November 22nd, 2008 at 12:23 am
He just wanted a hot date
November 21st, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Manicotti! How farfalle some men will go al forno penne!
Orzo I hear.
November 21st, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Oh, and a 750ml jar too, Weatherley? Are to trying to brag? Why didn’t you just do it in a Pringles tube or one of those metre-long Toblerone boxes you only see at Christmas? I hope your wife is serving only live langoustines in a basket next time you’re planning a little car-jacking, you show-off!
November 21st, 2008 at 10:59 am
Oh Gods
November 21st, 2008 at 7:21 am
come on…. ten out of ten for recycling.
November 21st, 2008 at 2:28 am
That’s pasta joke that is
November 21st, 2008 at 2:19 am
Hope the RSPCA took the dog away from this idiot! Leave PPM (pasta penis man to his pasta jar, take the other stuff away, put him in a dark, cold place, and let him - well, I will have to think!
November 20th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
You have to admire the man’s dedication. Not only did he maintain a police chase (albeit at just above walking pace) while still trying to crack one off, but four…count ‘em, FOUR…officers hitting him with batons and dousing him in pepper spray couldn’t deter him from continuing his carbonara capers. That’s Olympic class Onanism, that is.
November 20th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
I think the home-made sex toy is the pasta jar……….. in these dodgy economical times I guess one had to be imaginative…..
November 20th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
Well, Chenier. When I made my egg rack I had to write ‘egg rack’ on it so that puzzled guests wouldn’t have to work out what it was. Most thought it was a tiny Henry Moore sculpture that I’d stolen. Perhaps Weatherly was similarly ham-handed in his attempt at home-built pleasure enhancing equipment, and had to label it just as had to with the egg rack of shame. Which I eventually burnt quietly at the top of the garden.
There is so much mileage in this story that my mockodometer may well turn back over to all zeroes.
November 20th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Tell that it was a sex toy, Magnetite. The home-made bit is probably easier to detect, I think.
I sympathise on the brain as a colander; these are honourable wounds. I may be suffering from flag-wavers arm…
November 20th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Tell what Chenier? That he seemed to be fiddling with some sort of weapon? You’d think they’d be more relaxed about it…after all if you’ve worked the slide that much, you’ve probably ejected all your ammunition.
That looks far more foul in writing than it did in my mind.
Oh well. I’ll have to take up trepanning again to get those pictures out of my head. My skull will resemble a colander before long if Anorak keeps this up, I tell you…
November 20th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
And how could they tell?
November 20th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
What in the name of The Great Hairy Jesus of Bethlehem is a ‘home-made sex toy’? What was it made from? Stickle Bricks? A Domestos bottle, two bulldog clips and a folding card table?
I made an egg rack at home once. I wouldn’t put eggs in it, let alone my genitalia.
I think I’ve worked out what the stockings and the Jack Russell were for though…
If you tie one end of th stcking around your throat and the other to the dog’s collar, then throw a stick for it, then you’re not indulging in creepy, weird auto-erotic asphyxiation. No, you’re indulging in creepy, weird treat-based canine-assisted erotic asphyxiation…and that’s a totally different thing. Totally.
Wait, I’ve put waaaay to much thought into this, haven’t I/
I’m off to bleach my forebrain.
November 20th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
still it wasn’t in a tin of dogfood.
maybe he thought it was a new type of ‘dogging’?
November 20th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women’s stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.
…………………………………….
one can picture it so clearly! Bless him.
November 20th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
The Jack Russell had his license endorsed