Maureen Lipman Toxicology Report
ANORAK overhears a phone call between Maureen Lipman (police codename ‘Bettie’) and ‘Antony’, her grandson. Maureen says she has taken LSD and cannabis. Over:
BEATTIE: Antony, congratulation on your test results
ANTONY: Grandma, I passed.
BEATTIE: Passed? Whadyermean passed?
ANTONY: “I mean I passed: hair test, blood test, urine test, breath test, schizophrenia, piss artistry, touching my nose… I passed.
BEATTIE: You didn’t fail anything?
ANTONY: They found some glue on my text book.
BEATTIE: Glue… Very useful. People will always need to mend plates. Anything else..?
ANTONY: Toxicology.
BEATTIE: An ology. He gets an ology and he says he’s passed?!
You get an oplogy you’re a home scientist, coking up crack in your home laboratory…
You know the testers are in the wrong. You know the tests are not perfect…
Ends. Sound of boots on pavement…
Posted: 24th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
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November 25th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Antony is an astral surfer. Cosmic – says Antony…
November 24th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Well they’ll only come in in 2010 after the next GE, so giving plenty of time for loopholes to be thoroughly researched.
Have to agree about MITS at times.
But what ever NUlab says they’ll wriggle out of it
November 24th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Morning June
I’ve been reading an awful lot of the public’s comments on what is expected to be announced today by Labour. What has struck me is just how out of touch with public opinion Labour really are and also what also strikes me is just how out of touch with reality a lot of the public, especially those who are interviewed on TV in the shopping centres, are when it comes to these statements by the government. It’s a horrible mixture of the supposed brains of the country not listening to the poeple and the people not having the brains to realise they are being totally shafted because they’ll get an extra 20pence off a pound of bananas.
It’s bemusing to say the least.
Fortunately the tax payments won’t be affecting me
November 24th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
hells teeth Anthony should be a rocket scientist by now.
Lovely yarn FSBFP – are you looking fwd to the new 45% tax payments?
November 24th, 2008 at 11:52 am
I love Maureen Lipman. She told a story the other day on the radio where she was walking the dog with her daughter. The daughter went off with the dog while she was in the shop and the dog did a big poo outside a posh restaurant. When she met back with her daughter she stated what happened. Maureen asked if she had a poo bag and she said no. So Maureen said there will be one in the car so in they got and drove around to the restaurant. She got a poo bag and just before getting out of the car the daughter said don’t you think you should take the dog? She just scrambled out and went to the restaurant and scraped up the poo with the bag whilst all the people in the restaurant, who probably knew her as it’s was in her local town, watched wondering why on earth Maureen was going around scraping up poo off the floor alone.
When she got back to the car she realised just how astute her daughter had been and wished she’d taken the dog!!