Anorak

Anorak | Pre-Budget Report: Darling Brings Us In From The Arctic Monkeys

Pre-Budget Report: Darling Brings Us In From The Arctic Monkeys

by | 25th, November 2008

CAN Britons civil servants and public sector workers buy enough HD-ready televisions to bring the country back from the gaping maw of depression?

Gordon Brown says yes, adding:  

“With any luck a pre-budget report will provide more work for the key public sector demographic. If it works, we’ll be looking to introduce a pre-pre budget report and push on from there to a concerted pre-pre-pre budget report and, paper willing, a pre-pre-pre-pre budget report.” 

The Telegraph leads with news of the “Middle-class tax time bomb” and a cartoon of Alistair Darling as the economic terrorist passing a huge bomb to a grey-haired woman labeled 2009. To her left is 2010 and to her side 2011. Beyond that there is nothing.

In 2012 everyone is trying to win gold for Britain in the Olympics and fill their teeth. The credit crunch is good for British sport and the causes of British sport.

BROWN GOES FOR BROKE,” yells the Indy. And Brown seems to have Broke well within his grasp. Not for Brown a footnote in history as the whathisname Prime Minister who never won an election. Brown will leave an indelible red smudge on the ledgers.

Briton is going “Into The Red,” says the Times, a fact illustrated by Brown waving the Pound And Sickle flag of socialism.

Middle Brian is being “bashed” says the Express.

But hope is not lost, because there on the paper’s cover is the prize, the sign that all will be well, that all is well: “WIN A 42 INCH HD TV.”

Win that and it will be like the credit crunch never happened. It will like the good old days before Brown and Alistair Darling – the man who one ran the trains who now runs the economy! – never issued their pre-budget report.

Says one middle-class voice:

“I’ve been reading about the credit crunch but had little experience of it. But now, thanks to Darling I can really live it out and feel part of things.”

Says Gordon Grown: “Now I’ve done my bit, go get ‘em John ‘Baby P’ Sergeant, it’ll be a cold day in the Arctic Monkeys before we give up!”



Posted: 25th, November 2008 | In: Key Posts, Money Comments (7) | TrackBack | Permalink