By: Pamela

Pamela — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 15:38:39 +0000

1. Cheerleaders- The cheerleaders never know what’s going on, so the real cheering is up to the fans, but we do have short little attention spans, so the cheerleaders can be quite entertaining. Especially when they fall.
2. Guns- Can be quite helpful. Especially when cheerleaders refuse to fall.
3. Sports Illustrated- Please! You have naked women in the daily newspapers!
Of course, we have mastered the art of the spray tan, so, okay.
4. Sunshine- True.
5. The U-S-A! chant- May I suggest F-U-K! ?
6. The draft system- I’m not sure that always works exactly the way it’s supposed to, but a.) it’s better than nothing, and b.) we have more than one sport worth watching, so there’s an inherent balance of power.
7. Fighting- Yes, it IS so much more fun when it’s on the playing field instead of, say, amongst a drunken audience of the bitter unemployed.
8. TV coverage- Definitely. We have to watch your soccer broadcasts with the volume muted; those guys are morons. It actually works like this: the relentless post-game interview process each year yields one of two players who are actually coherent. We note their names, then one day (usually when the knees go) we give them a natty blazer and a mike.
9. Head coaches- Many of them have actually been dead for years. We just stuff them with sawdust and cart them out for games. It’s all about the branding really.
The drill sargent bit is done with animatronics. And they’re still better than most of yours.
10. Nicknames- True. Yours always sound like either criminals or houseboys.
Oh. Never mind.
11. No, baby, you “GOT served!” You “ARE owned.”
No self-respecting gay man would wear his gut over his belt OR chew tobacco, so let’s just call baseball dead boring, shall we? Now, a gay man could be talked into a sweater vest and goofy cap, so cricket might be a possibility.

By: yampster

yampster — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 14:30:34 +0000

He will probably sue himself for doing so

By: chenier

chenier — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 13:57:43 +0000

I particularly likie the fact that Paxico has been arrested for shooting himself with an unlicensed firearm…

By: Justlooking

Justlooking — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 12:07:56 +0000

Btw Mr Anorak, I love your new sports section!

By: Justlooking

Justlooking — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 12:02:37 +0000

It’s all true. When in the US, I’m glued to the baseball channel even though as a game, it’s shite IMO.

Comments on: Listed: 10 reasons why American sports fans have more fun

By: Pamela

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By: Justlooking

By: Justlooking