X Factor Alexandra Burke Sex Tape, Eoghan Quigg’s Heart And JLS Dog Dies

“BARELY a week goes by on TV’s the X Factor without tearful contestants revealing the tragic stories that inspired them to sing,” writes Caroline Iggulden of Alexandra Burke.

Pop stories like Gareth Gates, Javine Hilton, Alex Parks and many, many more.

“Unlike many of her rivals, bookies’ favourite Alexandra Burke has relied solely on her singing talents to win the votes of viewers – but today we can reveal her hidden heartache.”

The X Factor finale is almost upon us and Alex had best get her sob story in quick. News is that her mum has been ill.

Is that enough? Alex is up against Eoghan Quigg, who has a name that rhymes with Humperdink, was abandoned at birth and raised as a girl by the Loose Women. He feels very deeply about global warming and the plight of the Cuba’s indigenous flora.

And what of boyband JLS, less a single sob story than a walking, singing, dancing compendium.

Oritse Williams – the founding member of the group is known as “The Boy With The Plastic Tongue”, following an child ood accident with a Tonka Toy.

Aston Merrygold – scion of the Merrygold bubblegum dynasty who has fought against privilege and trust fund to be taken seriously as a struggling singer.

Jonathan Gill – found the title “The Black Cliff Richard” too much and retired from singing to run a news agency in Melton Mowbray. Reinvented himself as a soul singer after stapling his best T-shirt to a copy of Aviation Monthly.

Marvin Humes – Not ‘alf bad for a man with no internal organs!

The fear is that Alexandra’s sob story might not be enough. So here’s the associated story: “BUT SINGER ROCKED BY SEX TAPE THREAT.”

Or promise…

Britain’s Got Talent Dog Dies On Stage

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Andrew Johnston Eats Pie Jesu

Anorak

Posted: 8th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink