Toddler Gets His Penis Crushed In Toilet Seat Attack
ANORAK is ever on the lookout for the next media scare story, and finds news of a spate of penis-crushing in the toilet-trained toddler community…
WRITING in the December issue of BJU International, Dr Joe Philip and his colleagues at Leighton Hospital, Crewe, report on four boys under the age of four, who were admitted with injuries serious enough to require an overnight stay.
Now read on:
“As Christmas approaches many families will be visiting relatives and friends and their recently toilet trained toddlers will be keen to show how grown up they are by going to the toilet on their own.
“It is important that parents check out the toilet seats in advance, not to mention the ones they have in their own homes, and accompany their children if necessary.
A recent market research report has suggested that there has been a worldwide increase in the number of wooden and ceramic toilet seats sold. We would not be surprised to hear that other colleagues have noticed an increase in penis crush injuries as a result of this.”
Anorak shudders to learn that the four boys, aged from two to four, all attended as urological emergencies. All were using the toilet on their own.
They had lifted the toilet seats, which had then fallen back down, crushing their penises. Three had a build up of fluid in their foreskin, but were still able to pass urine, and the fourth had glanular tenderness.
No lasting damage - phew! – and all the children were able to go home the next day.
The authors have come up with four key recommendations:
1. Parents should consider fitting toilet seats that fall slowly and with reduced momentum, markedly reducing the risk and degree of injury.
2. Heavier toilet seats could be banned in houses with male infants.
3. Households with male infants should consider leaving the toilet seat up after use, even though it contradicts the social norm of putting it down.
4. Parents could educate their toddlers to hold the toilet seat up with one hand when they pass urine and keep an eye on them until they are confident that they are able to do it unsupervised.
“As any parent knows, toilet training can be a difficult time with any toddler” concludes Dr Philip. “We are concerned that the growing trend of heavy toilet seats poses a risk not only to their health, but to their confidence.”
If you have been affected by this article, call the EastEnders’ script department on 0800 CRUSHED PENIS…
Posted: 12th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True Comments (13) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
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December 13th, 2008 at 11:10 am
How about toilet seats being made of a very light material…would be good for general use too, to stop the noise of a toilet seat/or lid being put down.
December 13th, 2008 at 2:32 am
ANORAK Says: ”If you have been affected by this article, call the EastEnders’ script department on 0800 CRUSHED PENIS…”
Because I am not very well - it is almost as if Anorak is speaking to me personally sometimes and so I rang Eastenders up straight away and told them what you said.
The lady I spoke to at Eastenders told me that they will bear this storyline in mind - as they are currently toying with the idea of a man being taken to hospital - having been found on Hampstead Heath during the early hours one morning - in charge of a root vegetable - but apparently some Tory MPs are complaining a lot because they feel it is ridiculing past and present members of the House.
Fancy that!
December 13th, 2008 at 2:19 am
Stop being logical, Karen.
I suspect the doctors in question were so desperate to get something published that the tragic plight of toddlers and toilet seats was their only option…
December 13th, 2008 at 2:14 am
How can the boys have had time to get their bits out before the toilet seat falls back down? It’s not going to hover there while they undo their zips or buttons.
December 12th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
I miss the easiest solution : teach the boys to sit on the seat.
I’m sure in the future their wives will love them even more
December 12th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
The natural and obvious position to leave toilet seats is up.
December 12th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Toilet seats go up?
December 12th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Well I do now but when I was younger flamin eck it hurt.
December 12th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
try the button fly, FSBFP, no danger there….
December 12th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Those kids are going to be traumatised for life, and it will be no laughing matter for their future wives, when the little sods won’t put the seat down!
Anyway I thought little boys aimed at anywhere other than the pot?
December 12th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Then ban zips !!
December 12th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
It’s not as bad as the killer zip! Once it’s caught you can’t back or forwards.
December 12th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Attack of the killer toilet seats eh?
Makes the eyes water thinking about it.