Anorak | 2009: Anorak’s Diary

2009: Anorak’s Diary

by | 8th, January 2009

2009 That Was The Year That Was: Anorak’s diary for the upcoming 12 months…


Barack Obama makes history as the first African-American sworn in as President of the United States; Invoking legacy of Franklin Roosevelt, promises America “nine years of economic depression, four years of world war, eventual nuking of Japan”

Obama supporters left disappointed as oceans remain at static levels, planet fails to heal self, Dow drops below zero


Winless Detroit Lions score an upset victory in NFL Super Bowl thanks to secret clause in U.S. auto industry bailout plan; jubilant Detroit fans go on celebratory 5-day citywide arson rampage, resulting in almost $12 in property damage

Big surprise at the Oscars as Heath Ledger returns from grave to accept Oscar for “Joker” role in Dark Knight, orders clown-masked henchmen to open fire on Hollywood A-listers; “The ultimate method actor,” gushes mortally wounded Sean Penn


Controversy erupts over new David Beckham ad for Calvin Klein underwear after embarrassed football star admits “accidentally” stuffing briefs with a potato; “I didn’t know it was supposed to go in the front,” says Becks

Stocks cautiously rebound on strong earning reports from Sterno, GunMart, American Hobo Supply


World Earth Day celebrations in Canada and Scandinavia cancelled by unseasonably cool weather, advancing glaciers; “Damn you, global warming,” says beloved scientist Al Gore

British PM Gordon Brown appoints new Muslim Anti-Terrorist Advisory Panel; names Russell Brand, Pete Doherty, Amy Winehouse to new National Sobriety Task Force


First carbon-neutral Indianapolis 500 nearly canceled by unseasonably cool temperatures; winner Todd Palin coasts to victory despite husky blowout on final turn

Mideast unrest erupts; Experts cite “completely fucked up religious shitheads who really, really need to get laid”


US currency printing presses unable to keep pace with bailout demands, Chinese green ink embargo; Obama encourages Americans to print off dollars on home computers; “We are the bailout we’ve been waiting for,” says Prez

Muslim Council of Britain rejects PM Brown’s offer for new UK Islamic banking, divorce, alcohol laws; “you didn’t say pretty-please,” says miffed Imam


Independence Day celebrations in US muted by economy, new assault fireworks ban, advancing glaciers; Al Gore announces ban on speaking aloud words “global warming”; “We must not proke the Unspoken One further,” say

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Posted: 8th, January 2009 | In: Key Posts, News Comments (21) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink