Anorak | Alfie Patten And Chantelle Steadman: Gordon Brown Asks, Spice Girls To Blame And Jade Goody

Alfie Patten And Chantelle Steadman: Gordon Brown Asks, Spice Girls To Blame And Jade Goody

by | 18th, February 2009

ALFIE Patten, 13, claims to have fathered his inamorata Chantelle Steadman’s baby daughter, Maisie Roxanne in Eastbourne, Sussex. But Alfie might not be the daddy.

A DNA test will sort out the daddy from the boys, that gaggle of lads who claim to have squired the fragrant Chantelle, 15.

The papers have their latest story on Broken Britain, the grotesque world in which little girls have babies with little boys. And not just any babies, but healthy ones. On with the story. And eyes down for Tabloid Bingo:

Daily Express :

Yesterday, Alfie was seen leaving his mother’s £395,000 house in Hailsham with an offensive jumper hood pulled over his head. He was driven from the four-bedroom home by his sister Jayde.

Hoody ! Tick.

Property prices ! Tick. (The value of the property is a vital ingredient in this story.)

Meanwhile, his father Dennis, 45, who has taken to wearing a red rubber devil mask, arrived minutes later. Newsagent Sithiravel Geevarajah told how he barred Alfie and Chantelle from his shop on the estate.

“At the beginning they were so naughty I banned them about three to four times from the shop, but then they were OK.”

I’ll do it with yer for a sherbet dip dab.

Dennis Patten was captured by photographers waving a placard saying, No comment ring Max ”, referring to Mr Clifford.

Belfast Telegraph : “Why Alfie, Chantelle and PR gurus are a sad parable of modern times”, says Sharon Owens:

Witness the tragic figure of Jade Goody, the ultimate underclass pin-up. Poor Jade was possibly the most under-educated girl in Britain when she turned her car-crash life into a million pound industry…

At least I’m hopeful that Jade’s two sons will have a better upbringing than that poor wee mite Maisie Roxanne will. Only a few days old and already the subject of a DNA test and a bidding war.


Tabloid Telegraph :

Alfie apparently agreed to take the test after two other boys Richard Goodsell, 16, and Tyler Barker, 14 claimed they could have parented Maisie.

Could have…

Since then six other teenagers have come forward claiming they could be the baby’s father, according to the Daily Star newspaper.

“Britain’s best selling quality newspaper” gets it news from the Daily Star. Crisis. What crisis?

This is the big chance, surely for all teenage boys to dismiss the insult of being a virgin or gay by saying that they too have serviced the, allegedly, amenable Chantelle.

Says Chantelle:

“Alfie’s the only boy I’ve been with.”

The rest were, allegedly, adolescents.

Daily Mirror :

The 13-year-old who apparently fathered a baby was at the centre of a fresh scandal last night, amid claims he is the victim of a con.

Serious doubts that Alfie Patten is the dad of nine-day-old Maisie Roxanne were raised by a close friend of schoolgirl mum Chantelle Stedman’s parents.

Clive Sim, 39…

“…says Chantelle confessed to her half-sister Jodie O’Neill, 17, that Penny had told her to insist she had lost her virginity to little Alfie. And that Penny, a 38-year-old mother-of-six, had even accused another lad of being Maisie’s father…

Engineer Clive, of Lancing, West Sussex, said: “Penny told Chantelle to keep quiet about other boys because they wouldn’t get any money. They know that Alfie being the dad makes a better story. I think there’s a big scam going on here.”

Can Alfie be fixed up with Shannon Matthews ? (Tick.)

Aberdeen Press and Journal : “Whatever happened to childhood and innocence?”

Nicola Barry, aged 11-ish, says:

THERE is something grotesque about the photograph which keeps appearing of the 13-year-old boy who fathered a child at 12. Seeing him sitting, cradling his baby on his lap, as if trying to persuade the world he is old enough to be a dad, made me feel, literally, sick to the stomach.


Alfie Patten, who is just 4ft and looks even younger than his age, was photographed at his girlfriend Chantelle’s, bedside, after she gave birth to Maisie Roxanne in Eastbourne.

Short 12-year-old pulls older girl! The lad’s a hero to his peers.

To many people, the sight of 13-year-old Alfie, his 15-year-old girlfriend and their new baby is the modern-day equivalent of a Frankenstein experiment gone badly wrong.

Sperm meets egg. Baby arrives nine months later. What went wrong?

And it is wrong, let’s be clear about that.


In stories with a legal element, the rule of thumb is that no child under 16 can be named or pictured. So, how come it happened with Alfie, in circumstances which were bound to create a national, if not international, uproar?

Yeah, in India the teenage mums and

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Posted: 18th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, News Comments (16) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink