The Laws Of Gaming: Call Of Duty: World At War And The Geneva Convention
EVAN Spencer wants to play “Call of Duty: World at War” on his games machine.
Dad Hugh Spencer replies:
“I’ve never really enjoyed first-person shooter games. They’re just not my favourite aesthetic.”
Even Spencer is in trouble. Evan Spencer has a dad who says, “They’re just not my favourite aesthetic.”
Evan can play, says dad, once he’s read all four treaties from the Geneva Conventions. He then has to agree to play by those rules.
If he fails to do so, Evan will be taken from his place to a cell in The Hague. He will then be tried and hanged until dead. There will be dossiers, some sexy, other less so.
Hugh says “people are in war, right now. And it’s not a game. It’s really not a game.”
No, Hugh they are fighting in the real world. The game is in your lounge in your Toronto home.
While Evan reads. Hugh explains:
“So I looked at the game … I didn’t play it, I looked at the box at the store and thought about it, contemplated it … and said ‘OK, you can get it’…
Did you see anything in the game that violates the conventions? And he said, “Well, maybe the part where they shoot zombies.” …
It seems to me that this is metaphorical, really. Don’t just mindlessly go in and do anything in life, but think about the rules and moral implications of your actions, even in play. Is that what you were getting at here?
Anorak agrees.
The Laws For Gaming:
Space Invaders
Before shooting ask yourself, “Do they come in peace?” Then ask them the same question in English, French and Chinese. If the answer is “yes” then contact your cub scout Arkela, who will then place a call to Gordon Brown, who will then contact his good friend Barack Obama. The UN will then seek a resolution on how to proceed, while the Iranians complain of it being a Zionist plot. David Icke should also be consulted.
Pacman
A sad indictment on the have-it-all society, Pacman is morbidly obese and in need of help, not your encouragement to eat more. Before playing, hand Pacman a leaflet on the NHS quit eating line, and encourage him to talk about the reasons behind his gluttony. A call to Jeremy Kyle may speed up results.
Pong
Come on, Timmy! Muzza!!!
Super Mario Brothers
Did Mario always want to be a plumber? There is a 34% chance that Mario and his Brothers are involved in organised crime and racketeering. Before playing the game, contact the FBI and invite them to wire tap you phone lines. Ever story has two sides, and you should also contact the Anti-Defamation League, Italian chapter, and sit in on a meeting of racial stereotypes. Blend in by saying things like “Tutti-Frutti ici-creama” and falling in a writhing heap holding your head, brandishing an imaginary red card and squealing at the slightest physical contact.
Donkey Kong
Is the Donkey Kong on drugs? Is the Donkey Kong a product of GM bananas? Is the Donkey Kong a gorilla or a donkey – a Konkey? How many Donkey Kongs are right now being manufactured in North Korea ready to scale buildings the world over? Think on.
Grand Theft Auto
Mirror. Signal. Manoeuvre. Under 17s may not play this fame without a licensed driver sat by their side on the sofa. Although with provisional licence, players may player the game while sat on an exercise bike or delivering pizzas.
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Posted: 28th, February 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink
