Labour Creates Child’s Teeth Database

THE Mail reports that “the number of children having teeth taken out in hospital has shot up by more than half since Labour came to power.”

The figures are 33,000 in 2006 and 20,000 in 1998.

In 1998, the Government brought in its “No Wobble” policy, forbidding children from wobbling their loose teeth in public; wobbling being a gateway to masturbation.

The matter was compounded by the lack of string, as drawstring pyjamas made way for trendier elasticated waistbands, as modelled by Cherie Blair, famously, as she came to the door of number 10 in her nightwear to collected flowers sent in honour of Tony’s first election victory.

As Mail readers know, teeth-pulling apples are 32% softer than they were under the Conservatives, and hard toffees have been replaced by EU regulation Haribo soft gums.

Old Mr Anorak would like it known that he thinks the entire thing is disgusting, and recalls how in the halcyon days to his youth his lost his first set of teeth catching a spear thrown in anger.

Best that all teeth are removed from children by force at an early age and stored in a data bank to make identification easy. The children should then be fitted with wooden teeth hewn from sustainable forests – by appointment to Her Majesty The Queen Mother.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, April 2009 | In: Media Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink