Anorak

Anorak | Fat People Create Man-Made Global Warming

Fat People Create Man-Made Global Warming

by | 21st, April 2009

fatbuttFAT people are to blame for global warming. It turns out that they DON’T block out the sun but magnify it through their bottles of fizzy drinks and sweat glands.

You can’t argue with the science. Says the Sun:

Scientists warned that the increase in big-eaters means more food production — a major cause of CO2 gas emissions warming the planet.

And the clincher:

Overweight people are also more likely to drive, adding to environmental damage.

Ever seen a fat person try to walk? When they do they start panting and up their CO2 emissions. Check the carbon breathalyzer. And best kill off Santa. Better they drive, perhaps? Let’s discover…

A Faculty of Anorak Collegiate Teaching (FACT) study concludes that the world would heat up by a rate of 0.2 of a degree month-on-month if fat people were made to walk.

But the damage CAN be undone if joggers are made to perform the fatties chores and shopping rituals.

Joggers are the enemy of Gaia and all right-thinking people.

Dr Phil Edwards, of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, tells us:

“Moving about in a heavy body is like driving in a gas guzzler.”

See the bumper sticker: “My other car’s a piggy back – on a piggy!”

And:

Each fat person is said to be responsible for emitting a tonne more of climate-warming carbon dioxide per year than a thin one.

Although not joggers, as we say, who run on Mother Nature’s face, shoving spikes into her throat and bony elbows in her ribs.

The scientists say providing extra grub for them to guzzle adds to carbon emissions that heat up the world, melting polar ice caps, raising sea levels and killing rain forests.

Of course fat floats and in the event of a flood, readers are advised to tether three fat people together and make a raft. Use their clothes as sails.

For anyone wanting to learn more, this study by Dr Edwards and Ian Roberts is published in the International Journal of Epidemiology.

Printed on paper from felled trees…



Posted: 21st, April 2009 | In: Reviews Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink