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Anorak | Top 10 biggest dicks in the Premier League

Top 10 biggest dicks in the Premier League

by | 1st, May 2009

what-a-dick-head10. Sam Allardyce
Blackburn’s manager, aka “Big Sam”, qualifies for this list for several reasons:

1) Rampant ego. Thought he was good enough to manage England. Funny, that.
2) Encourages teams to play crap, long-ball football.
3) Sucks up to buddy Alex Ferguson, all the time. Example: his recent attack on Rafa Benitez.
4) He likes El-Hadji Diouf.
5) He’s a dick.

9. Jimmy Bullard
A surprise entry perhaps, but Bullard has gone from cult hero to dick in one easy transfer move. Fulham fans loved him, as Wigan and Peterborough fans did before that, but then he went and spoiled it all by leaving west London for Hull, and simply for more cash. Cue a karmic, season-ending injury.

8. Marlon King
King has been bailed to appear at Southwark Crown Court on 14 May after being charged with attacking a woman in a London nightclub in December 2008. King, who is currently on loan at doomed Middlesbrough, was charged with sexual assault of a 20-year-old woman, with a bonus charge of ABH. Oh, and he’s a shit striker.

7. Mike Riley
Riley once sent off Reading’s mascot, Kingsley the Lion. This is a man who was bullied at school, we guess. Plus he looks like Squidward Tentacles, the sulky squid from Spongebob Squarepants.

6. Ashley Cole
Once a dick, always a dick.

5. Rafa Benitez
As much as some of the British Premier League managers gang up on Rafa, he doesn’t help himself by acting like a paranoid control freak.

4. Rio Ferdinand
Braaaaaap. Clearly, Merkman thinks of himself as some sort of hip-hop style mogul, or “player”. We all think of him as a bit of an arrogant dick who never stops going on about his Peckham roots.

3. Nicklas Bendtner
Mr Anorak has never met Bendtner, but any player who can make Robin van Persie seem likeable and charming must be doing something very wrong. And don’t forget those pink boots:

2. Phil Brown
Hull’s permatanned knobhead of a manager learned a lot from another man on this list, namely Sam Allardyce. Specifically, Brown learned how to a) wear a call-centre headset, and b) act like a chippy northern dick.

1. Cristiano Ronaldo
Predictable maybe, but we’re not about to choose someone else just to be different. So many reasons why C-Ron is No.1 but this photo sums it up nicely.

[Via Anorak’s new sister site, Who Ate All the Pies]



Posted: 1st, May 2009 | In: Sports Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink