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World’s Leading Paedophile Spotted In UK

by | 3rd, May 2009

gary-glitterGARY Glitter walks the land. But where is Gary Glitter? The News of the World knows. And it screams from its front page:

“MONSTER IN DISGUISE – We find Evil Glitter.”

This is investigative journalism at its finest – spotting a pop star who has already served time for child abuse.

And what is Glitter’s “evil” disguise – and mind, kids, this is The Glitter Monster, aka. The Leader, the fiend who stalks the land, his hooves clad in massive high heels enabling him to peer though your bedroom window at night?

Is he dressed as a snotty pig? Is he going under the unlikely name Paul Gadd? Is he in the garb of a – gulp! – pre-pubescent girl and mingling easily with schoolchildren in branches of McDonald’s and Miss Hartle’s English class?

EVIL pop paedophile Gary Glitter has adopted a cunning new disguise to dupe the public – he’s had a Rolf Harris makeover and calls himself Darren.

gary-glitter-paedoDarren Harris? Can you see what he is yet? And does Rolph Harris know – it might be time he gets a makeover to prevent him from being set apon by tabloid hacks and angry mums and dads?

Glitter’s cunning disguise seems to have been achieved by gluing a handful of dandelion puffballs to his bald head and some cotton wool to his face.

Can you see what he is yet? Rolf Harris? Adolf Harris? No – It’s Gary Christmas. Hey, kids.

Have you been good this year?

Phew! Thanks to the NOTW, we and not just the police, the postman and the local council all know who Glitter is:

Neighbours at his plush apartment block are completely unaware of his real identity. But when he takes off his black rimmed glasses those mad staring eyes and telltale raised eyebrows reveal the truth…

In one Japanese sushi restaurant Glitter was spotted eating alone and amusing himself by chatting to the young waitresses.

And as he removed his glasses for a moment that trademark Glitter look of the astonished eyes was on full view.

Can you see what he is yet?

Paedo!

He’s the paedo! He’s the paedo! He’s the paedo of the land!

And because he’s the only peado in the UK, the NOTW has done fine work and we and the people of Haringey can rest easy…

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Posted: 3rd, May 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink