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Katie Price And Peter Andre Divorce: Sex Tapes With Animals

JORDAN and Peter Andre Divorce Masterclass: Day 4: Jordan’s animal sex and sex tapes.

“Missing some body, Peter?” asks the Sun on its front page? This is a picture of Katie Price flashing her fluctuating Jordan’s on her “Isle hideaway”.

If you squint you can just make out the full-size, in-focus picture of Price in a white bikini, mandarin skin and a pout that reaches across oceans.

The headline should read: “Missing some body, Harvey?” Harvey is Jordan’s son who is in the thrall of a divorce settlement has got the house.

Jordan responds to the question:

“I’m missing my Harvey soo much,” says Katie Price.

“Katie is really lost without Harvey. She has spoken to him on the phone repeatedly and assured him she will be home soon. She is extremely upset and in tears about being so far away from Harvey and it was a decision she didn’t take lightly.”

Or as the Mail’s Jan Moir puts it:

For in ten years or more of interviewing celebrities, I have never met anyone more unpleasant or less maternal than horrible Katie Price.

While Jeremy Kyle petition to get Katie Price on his show – “Mum Left Me To Take My Bother And Sister On Holiday!” - talk turns to cash and how Peter Andre signed a per-nuptial agreement before walking up the OK! aisle. Says he:

“I wouldn’t get a penny if we broke up because I signed a pre nuptial – and it was my idea to do it. I insisted on it.”

That’s Peter, of whom we learn that his “kids are everything”. Peter who is in Cyprus while his children are in the UK and the Maldives. Says a “friend”:

“Say what you want about Peter, he is a good guy and integrity and honesty are important to him.”

So it’s not a PR stunt, then? This really is a divorce. Everything about Pete is brutally honest, from the tip of this orangey toes, through his smooth chest to his un-engineered vocals.

“He’s a really decent guy who has had to put up with some of his wife’s excesses and occasional coarseness because he loves her. I’m sure he still loves her and is just acting now out of desperation that things went a bit dysfunctional. If he could have things back on track I’m sure he would.”

And so readers are introduced to the Peter and Katie’s rapprochement.

In the Irish Herald, Garreth Murphy opines:

I give them two weeks until they’re renewing their vows in a celebratory issue of OK! Tops.

Or starring in a straight-to-tissues sex tape?

In “JORDAN’S SEX TAPE TORMENT” Star readers learn that “Angry glamour girl Kate Price fears a sizzling stables sex tape from her past will be sold to the highest bidder”.

Here’s hoping her fears are for nought and the lowest bidder gets their sticky hands on the read hot footage:

The love-split model believes horsey-set insiders, who have never accepted her, could stitch her up… One, a horse rider, boasted he was in possession of a “very rude” tape and offered saucy kiss and tell revelations.

A rude tape of topless model Jordan?

Now pals fear she may be about to suffer the same humiliation as stars like Britney Spears, 27 – a leaked sex tape. Any X-rated footage made public could be damaging. Kate, 30, is a mum to three young children and has worked hard to leave her Jordan persona behind.

Readers can see just how hard Katie has worked on the Sun’s cover, where Katie sucks in her waist to make her baby Jordans spear still larger.

“She’s worked hard to rebuild her image and has set her heart on being a lady of the manor, living in a country pile and riding horses with new pals. The emergence of a sleazy tape will shatter all her efforts.”

Meanwhile, Katie Price Twitters from the Maldives that she is keeping a “dignified silence”. Oh, and Harvey “had 2 stay at home for his routine and did not want to disrupt that.” Which suggest that mum and dad play no part in his routine?

Anyhow, back to Katie’s dignified silence, which is picked up by Sun:

Jordan: I’ll be a wild animal in the sack

DESPERATE Jordan has sent hubby Peter Andre a string of begging text messages pleading: “If you let me come back I’ll be like a wild animal in bed again.”

A wild animal in bed - like a hibernating badger? A peacock? Gulp - a hedgehog?

Jordan’s Hedgehog Horror Shame - 2008

Jordan and Pete’s PR masterclass

The Other Man In Katie Price and Peter Andre’s Divorce Tells All
Harvey Gets The House In Katie Price And Jordan Divorce
Jordan And Peter Andre Divorce: Video
Dr Peter Andre Serenades Jordan
Jordan And Peter Andre Move House
Jordan And Peter Andre Return To The US
Jordan And Peter Andre’s Naked Publicity Stunt
Katie Price And Peter Andre See Each Other For First Time And Split
Katie Price and Peter Andre Split Exclusive: Jordan Tells All
Katie Price Splits From Agents
Katie Price And Andre Are Back Together