Katie Price Is Attacked

IN the overheated media debate on Katie Price and Peter Andre, Sue Carroll tells us that “Katie Price should see a shrink to rid her of Jordan”.

It turns out that Jordan is not Katie Price’s alter ego, rather her evil twin(s). As ever, the article begins with Katie Price and Me:

I knew Katie Price just before she underwent the transformation into her pneumatic, plastic twin Jordan.

Maybe Sue was Katie’s inspiration?

Some believe “Jordankate” is a two-headed monster – Miss Nasty and Mrs Nice.

Who some?

I trust recent events have disabused the public of this view.

What events? Katie Price’s apparent falling out with her husband or eight reality TV series standing? Eight anniversaries is - get this – a bronze anniversary. And there are pictures aplenty of our Katie getting bronzed in the Maldives…

Long before the inflated breasts “Jordankate” was a vulgar, difficult, conceited, albeit beautiful, woman.

And you thought she was just a topless mo-del…

Age, motherhood, success, marriage, endless amounts of cosmetic surgery and fawning fans have not changed her. She remains utterly charmless, devoid of humour and motivated only by the need to validate her existence in terms of money.

Says Sue Carroll in her laugh-out-loud, eponymous tabloid column.

This article, when viewed online, is interrupted by an advertisement for British Airways. Get away from it all. Fly to the, er, Maldives, or Cyrus, or wherever takes your flight of fancy.

Hence the cynical marketing of her bust-up with husband Peter Andre who, it’s now apparent, only suffered her routine emasculation because he genuinely loves his kids.

Hey, if it sells paper. And, incidentally, Katie has now been on the Mirror’s front page for seven days straight. No other paper has achieved that goal. How’s that for cynical marketing?

As she poses on a sunbed in the Maldives I wonder if Jordankate has the vaguest idea the game is up.

Now read on…

Sweet ingenue Katie and ball-breaker Jordan have been exposed as one and the same person.

It’s Jordans plural, Sue. They went it alone when Katie set them free last year.

It’s time to bury them both, along with the deflatable boobs and demons driving her to constantly re-invent the image and demean others.

Et tu-tu, Sue? Its time to bury Katie Price? She wants Katie Price dead, or just buried alive, up to her neck? Carroll is on the side of the Islamists. Touching stuff. Go on…

The real trouble isn’t whether Jordankate loves Peter, it’s that she doesn’t love herself. A problem neither a separation nor a sunshine break can cure. But a shrink might.

Or a tabloid columnist looking for something to write about…

Anorak

Posted: 19th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink