Big Brother’s Sophie Reade Turns Down Ronaldo

SOPHIE Reade & Write continues to win hearts and minds at the Sun, appearing in a News of the World front-page featured entitled, “SEX SECRETS OF BIG BROTHER BEAUTIES.”

In “I FFixed droopy boobs for BB”, Sophie Reade is billed as the woman, “She lifts house … but snubbed Cristiano Ronaldo!”

Mental images of Sophie lying on a mechanic’s skate before being wheeled beneath the Big Brother house. A canister of compressed air is secured to her left nipple, a cap to her right and he is inflated. Admire the wonder of pressurised air.

As the house rises and falls and rises and falls, “BOUNCY blonde babe Sophie Reade” tells us:

“I call mine Mary-Kate and Ashley (after the American actress twins).”

Those are the twins who look like the Benjamin Button effigies hanging from your car rear view mirror.

Anorak suggests Sophie get some new nicknames for her attachments before her breasts start whining and looking badly drawn.

Says Sophie:

“Lads love big boobs and the bigger yours are the more attention you’re gonna get.”

She’s right. Simon Cowell is never off the telly and Ann Widdecombe is stuck to every adolescent’s ceiling. Forget the Olsens, Sophie’s aiming for Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

But rewind, Sophie, and tells us about Cristiano Ronaldo, the object of your desire:

She met the Portuguese Man Utd ace in a trendy bar in Alderley Edge, near their homes in Cheshire two months ago. She declined Ronaldo’s advances - but later kicked herself for it.

And missed?

Her pal said: “A friend said: ‘He just went up to Sophie and said: ‘You are my dream woman. I want you.’ But bubbly Sophie was wary of his womanising reputation and snubbed him. Afterwards she kicked herself. If he asked her again now she’d probably say yes.”

Is Sophie sure it was Ronaldo and not the waiter from Funchal Nights doing an impression of Bungdit Din in Carry on up the Khyber?

But the good news for Ronaldo is that if he repeated his statement of fact to Sophie she would says yes and before you knew it they’d be sharing the Touche Eclat and Ronnie’d be keeping in shape on her fitballs…

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Anorak

Posted: 7th, June 2009 | In: Big Brother, Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink