Anorak

Anorak | An Invitation To Join Joe Cole As He Marries Carly Zucker

An Invitation To Join Joe Cole As He Marries Carly Zucker

by | 24th, June 2009

joe-cole-zuckerOK! invites its readers to a Joe Cole and Carly Zucker wedding “special”.

In “Joe Cole scores”, readers can see Cole (smart light grey FA Cup Final-type suit) stood behind Carly Zucker (plain white dress), herself stood behind John Terry, the England captain clad in a sunset yellow suit with what appears to be a bouquet of white roses growing from behind his right eat. In front of John Terry – facing him – is his wife, Toni Terry, dressed in the contents of King Midas’s bottom drawer, the stuff he reserved for when he wanted to dazzle.

This turns out to be a picture not from the Zucker-Cole do but an old shot of Toni marrying John Terry in 2007. OK! readers need to make do with a Manchester United squad player, Wes Brown, marrying a WAG who has never eaten insects in a professional capacity.

Over in Hello!, readers are invited to the whole do, billed as the “WEDDING OF THE YEAR” – “an extraordinary and emotional Chelsea celebration”.

Leaving OK! at the door, we venture into the Royal Hospital Chelsea, where Zucker and Cole are becoming man and wife.

Passing through the “white hydrangeas, roses, peonies and stocks in creamy hues”, we finally make it past the Terrys to hear Joe, who says he hopes does not cry because then all his “mates will think I’m soppy” – or a Chelsea player, which he is.

Then the Rev. Dick Whittington turns, turns and turns again to unite Carly and Joe, and perhaps to take in Toni Terry and John Terry, the couple so good they named themselves twice – each.

John has now pulled on a sober grey shit, but he merely looks like the back drop to offset Toni’s metallic lilac creation that seems to radiate from just north of her navel and then spiral like an acid house raver on a merry go round before coming to rest about her neck.

Next week, we are invited to the reception. Wear sunglasses…



Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink