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Anorak | Kirstie Alley Dies on August 18 2013, Says Life And Death Calculator

Kirstie Alley Dies on August 18 2013, Says Life And Death Calculator

by | 18th, August 2009

2279282IN this week’s celebrity death watch the National Enquirer says Kirstie Alley has “ONLY 4 YEARS TO LIVE”.

Kirstie Alley dies on August 18 2013? That should give her plenty of impetus to lose that weight again and save the pall bearers having to put in the hard yards in the gym.

On the other hand, don’t dig a hole – just toss Alley to the floor and let nature and gravity suck her down.

The date of Kirtie Alley’s death is supplied by one Dar Patrick Wannis, a “human behaviour expert” from Miami Beach, who says that the actress is playing “Russian roulette with her life”.

Dr Wannis has factored in Alley’s life factors – fatness, more fatness and repeated bouts of fatness – and learnt via the “Life and Death Calculator” that Alley “may only live to 62”.

Says he:

“In my experience almost all weight gain stems from negative emotion.

The rest comes from eating too much or doing to little.

No, dear readers, you cannot enjoy your food – food in enjoyment is not a positive. Fat and jolly has been replaced by fat and suicidal. “Thin and happy, happy, happy” is the new mantra.

A million skinny Prozac patients cannot be wrong…



Posted: 18th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (2) | TrackBack | Permalink