7 Things To Do With Big Brother Housemates

BIG Brother is dead. The last people to realise this were the show’s producers at Flat Earth Productions, who have called in Dr Conrad Murray to keep the thing alive.

But it’s no good. The show is dead. And the only thing left to sort is what happens to the housemates?

7 Things To Do With Big Brother Housemates

1. Keep them locked in the house as a living cultural artefact.

2. Secure Digitas to sponsor the show and euthanize the housemates, handing over the remains to Gunther von Hagens for his Body World exhibition, Hissy Fit.

3. Broadcast footage from the house to al Qaeda prisoners and wait for them to talk.

4. The EU Celebrity Mountain is growing too big for the silo and there are fears raised in Brussels that one good sized Greek celebrity or a Berlusconi harem could crash the market in celebrity flesh. Now though emerging markets in the Far East are willing to trade excess celebs for cycling goldfish.

5. A novelty pet for the significant other in your life who finds dogs too thoughtful and cats not bitchy enough.

6. See if they can be blended, in a blender.

7. Test the theory: you can never have too many scarecrows.

8. Ask them to think of three more uses to turn this into a Top Ten.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, August 2009 | In: Big Brother, Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink