Scouts Get Badge In Knife Crime, Woggles Renamed

SCOUTING magazine instructs scouts to lay down their knives.Well, so says the BBC and the mainstream media - “Scouts Told To Ditch Their Knives.”

Dave Budd (nominative determinism, kids) runs safety courses for scouts. He says knives “of any sort” should not be carried by scouts unless there was a “specific need“. What specific need is, Mr Budd does not enlarge upon, but if, say, the lads were visiting a kebab shop or looking to put on performance of Macbeth then that might be ok.

The big danger is that we will be unprepared when the war with the scouts arrives. In Canada scouts have live grenades; in Russia, scouts are creating a pure bred utopia; and the USA, Obama’s scouts are preparing for bloody war.

We need the masses mobilised. A war cannot be won with hospital corners, clean fingernails and folded hanky alone.

Kent scout leader Sheila Burgin – a girl – tells that it’s not PC correctness gone mad, but something else entirely:

“The Scout Association doesn’t want to be in trouble for encouraging people to carry knives, but I think it is very sad. It’s health and safety gone mad.”

It turns out that it’s nothing of the sort, and the Scouting website tells us:

Several incorrect stories have appeared in the media this week reporting a knife ban in Scouting.

Scouting recommends training in the handling of knives not only for young people, but also for their adult leaders.

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As the official missive says:

Whether Scouts can legally carry knives is something that concerns many of you. So we asked knife specialist and Scout Leader Dave Budd to cut through the confusion to reveal the facts

Cut through the confusion with a rusty blade.

As Arkela collects her cliche badge, and another in celebrity studies, we wonder what other changes the Scouts could make to move with the times:

Woggles – To be renamed African Native Ties Clasps
Camping – To be renamed non-sexual specific walking “outings” in a rural environment
Sixers – In line with EU Metric Directive 210a, Sixers will be renamed Tens and Seconders Fives.
Beavers – Due to the changing vernacular of the street, Junior scouts will be named Magpies and will meet in the Magpie’s Nest.

Ging–Gang-Goolies will continue to be sung about with gusto…

Nashi V Camp Okutta: Russian Scouts And Candian Moose F*ckers Prepare For War

The BNP’s Hitler Youth, CCF, Nashi And Other NUT Jobs

Gordon Brown Stood Up As Boy Scouts of America Prepare For War

Obama Jugend: Obama Youth Junior Fraternity Regiment

Sunday School Army

Anorak

Posted: 8th, September 2009 | In: Media Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink