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Anorak | Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston Set Up Home

Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston Set Up Home

by | 13th, September 2009

PAVLOV’S Rule of Tabloid Journalism states that every time Jennifer Aniston is mentioned so too must be Angelina Jolie and by definition Brad Pitt. So when Grazia magazine uses its front page to announce the question (can you announce a question?): “Jen has boob job?” a little squeaky voice pops up to add “BRAD And ANGELINA’S MAKE-OR-BREAK TRIP.”

First up we are invited to look at Jennifer’ Aniston’s chest and check it for signs of hair, boyfriends and growth. We see none, although in one picture Jen is wearing a tighter top than in the other, so Grazia senses a scandal.

Which leads readers to Ange and Brad who are on a “make-or-break-trip” to a… garden centre.

Before our hoe-cam delivers footage from that summit, we read that Brad and Ange have been for dinner in France, eating in the Auberge Du Parc, near St Remy. Says our man with the moist cork, fellow diner Rob Fricker:

“They were drinking a bottle of red wine at a table in the corner. They were locked in a really intense conversation. No-one wanted to say hello to them as it defiantly looked seriously.”

No-one? Not even the waiter said hello, which is just about what you expect of a French waiter dealing with Les Hambugers, and for them to spit in your soup and finger your snails.

Swiftly we fly to the garden centre, where Jolie is adopting gerbils. Again a source fills us in:

“Angelina was taking a long time choosing gerbils and telling stories about when she had pets as a child.”

Pets?

She also admits to feeling guilty after several pets died in her care, including a mouse which expired when she dyed it blue. A hamster met its maker after catching pneumonia when she took it into the shower, while a pet lizard died after it was left too long in the sun.The actress, now 32, is also heard saying: “My snake I had – I tried killing him.”

Run! Gerbils… Run!

“News reaches us that Brad, 45, has coughed up £50,000 (yes that is £50,000) on a run for his kids’ gerbils!”

Ahem. The 3am Girls have context:

It’s a curious case for the father of six, who has joined the list of A-listers with bonkers hobbies… Beyonce and Kanye West have thrashed it out on Connect 4 and Prodigy hellraiser Keith Flint is a secret gardener, now Brad is revealed as a rodent lover.

Cray-zeee.

“The funky gerbil quarters will include tunnels, platforms, seesaws and mazes.”

Jen Gerbil, Brad Gerbil and Angelina Gerbil are happy in their glass-sided hermetic world, running, shagging, feeding and getting matching tattoos.

And if goes dark? It never goes dark, not unless Richard Gere Gerbil’s in town, allegedly…



Posted: 13th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink