Katie Price’s Alleged Rapist Speaks Out

KATIE Price says she was raped by a “very famous” celebrity and the clues to the rapist’s identity come thicker and faster than Jack Tweed on his way to jail.

Whoooa! Tweed is not the rapist; he’s innocent. That is a fact. Other top celebrities who did not rape Katie Price include Michael Jackson, James Dean, Bobby Charlton, Susan Boyle, the Queen Mother and Nookie Bear.

The Daily Mirror takes up the cry of the nation and screams from its front page: “TELL US WHO RAPED YOU.”

Defiant Jordan yesterday told police they were wasting their time trying to get her to name the star she alleges raped her.

Detectives vowed to probe the sex attack allegations and asked her to tell them who the celebrity was. They said: “If you make an official complaint, we will investigate this crime.”

Of course they will investigate. The country’s Celebrity Police Force functions to serve the celebrity cause, and to fill the wall in the station canteen with pictures of wooden tops cosying up to celebs in the cells.

But 31-year-old Jordan insisted the matter was “now closed” and bluntly told officers: “I’m not going to say anything. What’s past is past and I just want to forget about it the best I can. This whole thing has been a nightmare and I wish I never said anything in the first place.”

But can the CPF pass up this open door to meet Jordan? Never! The CPF always gets its picture:

But police refused to be put off and were last night planning to quiz her further at her mansion in Woldingham, Surrey. A source added: “They still intend to conduct a full interview with her. Their position has not changed.”

Right now the police are pulling straws from a clenched fist to see which of them can call on Jordan.

And over in the Daily Star, names are being named:

“Gladiator Ace: I did not rape Jordan”

Gladiator did not rape Jordan! Spartacus is innocent! Kirk Douglas did not rape Jordan, and neither did Tony Curtis. And, Ace, Of course you’re didn’t, Ace. Katie was raped by a someone “very famous” and Ace, lovely as you are, you need to wear a name badge in your lounge. So Warren Furman – aka Ace - what’s news?

“Even if it has led to speculation about me on websites, I’m not fazed by what anybody is saying.

Before we go on let it be stated that Ace is innocent. There is no proof of any crime. All we have is Katie Price’s word that she was raped. Innocent Ace is talking, defending his good name:

Whoever she claims raped her, it is certainly not me and I don’t think anyone would believe anything she said anyway. She doesn’t have much credibility so I’m not bothered. When she’s been dumped and she’s got a grudge with someone, she just wants to make life as unpleasant as possible for that person as she feels she’s getting her own back. I suffered it a long time ago and Peter Andre is suffering it now – listening to her say things that he knows are patently untrue. Quite frankly, Peter – like me – should be pleased that she’s not with him.

Ending:

“We’re members of the Great Escape Club.”

On yer bike, Warren. And take another badge as you go – “I Escaped Stalag Katie”.

The police need to find the identity of this celebrity rapist. And the Star says that Katie “faces jail over refusing to name attacker”.

Why she should go to jail for saying that she was raped by a celebrity is not said. But the question might be better termed as, Why shouldn’t Katie Price go to jail?’

Discuss.

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Anorak

Posted: 18th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Gallery, Key Posts Comments (8) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink