The X Factor Fixed It For Me

WE’RE down to the final…24 in the X Factor, the pro-longed advertorial for Simon’s Cowell’s School For Music (please, sir, can we have no more).

These are the final 24 – the last 24 people in the UK to have not appeared in the grand final of a reality TV singing contest.

But hold a moment. It seems that the X Factor is less a school than a borstal, a last chance for jobbing wannabes to hit the big time and enter decent society, or clinch a walk-on part in Hollyoaks and/or a stint holding their enlarged chests in a lads’ mag:

Stacey McClean – a former player with pro outfit S Club Juniors.

Rikki Loney – He didn’t have the X-Factor in 2008. Soon, he’s going to have the XX Factor. One more fail and he gets to have the XXX Factor and qualify for a walk-on part in Hollyoaks After Dark.

Daniel Pearce - did well on Pop Stars The Rivals – the show that “discovered” child actor and singer Cheryl Cole - featuring in the group One True Voice.

Azi Jegbefume -  was previously a member of former Sony act Trinity Stone, along with British Eurovision entrant Jade Ewen, who now warbles with the Sugar Babes. Jegbefume was also on You’re A Star, the TV chance to pick Ireland’s Eurovision entrant.

Phil Delahunty - was on the X Factor in 2008.
Joseph McElderry - was on the show in 2007.
Ryan Stilwell - was on Britain’s Got Talent.

Who needs the distinctive faces of Cowell and his board of governors to give the X Factor consistency – just gets a load of the acts.

Next year’s X Factor will feature repeats of past series interspersed with pubescent teenagers raising a palm in the air and jerkily lowering it as they sing about “Lo-ooo-ooo-oo-uuurrve—eeeeeeeee”.

Over on ITV2, the Xtra Factor spin-off show will feature an interactive game of ‘Pin The Eyebrows on Danii Minogue”.

Something for everyone.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink