Victoria Beckham Just Needs The Food Of Love
IT’S walking magazine insert Victoria Beckham on the cover of Closer, Her Thinness advertising the news: “MISERY DRIVES POSH TOWARDS ANOREXIA.”
Misery is not Posh’s new lead sedan chair operative, and Anorexia is not the hottest-most club in Milan. Closer explains:
“So insecure she starves herself until she’s dizzy and weak.”
“Expert warns: ‘She could end up dead.”
Dealing with each point in turn, isn’t dizzy and weak how WAGs are supposed to be? And this expert should know that celebrities never die, they just perform to a captive audience.
As ever, the magazine can tell how much a person weighs by simply looking at them. Posh, we learns weigh in at 6st 12.
Closer also tells us that it is “possible to count the bones in her chest”. We would again care to correct the magazine and say that they are not bones but breasts. They do appear to be firm to the touch, but these breasts are not reliant on calcium to stay pert. And you can’t fracture a breast. Then this:
Posh has “the figure of seven year old”.
Which seven year old is unsaid, but it can’t be one in the environs of Anorak Towers, where all seven year old are a robust 11 stone and have massive wobbling breasts.
Closer needs help and invites health a fitness “expert” Nicki Waterman to say that Vicky “looks ill”.
Says Posh:
“I appreciate that there are young girls and woman who look to me as a role model. And it’s untrue to say that I do not eat and I’m unhealthy.”
It’s the medya. In real life Posh is a hardy soul who takes long walks in the woods with her pet cocker spaniels and lives on raw road kill and chips.
The media impression of her being thin is not of her design. The sooner people in the meedya have the guts to ask Posh when we can hear her magical voice again or if it’s true that her fashions are way ahead of their time, the better.
The sooner Posh can be left alone to live her own life in the privacy of a fashion show, stood naked on billboard or sat on a TV sofa minding her own business, the better.
Says Nicki Trainer: “She’s clearly desperately unhappy.”
Trim the fat.
Posted: 29th, September 2009 | In: Closer Comments (7) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
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September 30th, 2009 at 9:51 am
I did try to put one round my thigh when I got home….. back to the slimfast.
September 30th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Around her waist? you sure it wasn’t a modern day burqa (chastity belt?)
My waist these days is a pretty good chastity belt too……
September 30th, 2009 at 9:30 am
One has to keep up with the goss Percy! Keep an eye on the ball, stay ahead of the game….
On skinny…. in a cab in London the other day I saw a young woman, probably in her twenties, cycling madly along the Embankment with a super expensive D Lock (bike lock) around her waist. (presumably for safe keeping?) Around her WAIST? I doubt even VB could do that. Just hope she didn’t lose the key en route.
PS I only know the minutae of D Locks because husband is a cyclist. I am a polluting motorist and proud of it! .
September 30th, 2009 at 8:44 am
C&C…..I did’nt know that Kate Moss is a bit of a porker now..and how do you know so much about her poshness ….have you been reading the Pig Farming Review again?… it is my favourite celebrity read too.
Seriously C&C ..what do you think my chances are of pulling a porker like Mossy?
I may not be Phillip Green but looks are’nt everything….right?
September 30th, 2009 at 7:54 am
well I like her! considering some of the slebs we have to read about, Katie, Kerry, and some of their antics, I think VB is a pretty good role model.
Yes, she’s thin, but can you just imagine the media frenzy if she put on a few pounds?
I read yesterday (mag at the docs) that Kate Moss is a bit of a porker now she’s a size 8.
September 30th, 2009 at 3:21 am
Hmmm! it looks like she didn’t have a working mum then.
Study claims children of working mothers eat more junk food and watch more TV
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2009/sep/29/working-mothers-unhealthy-children
September 29th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
As you so wisely & poetically say Anokak…”In real life Posh is a hardy soul who takes long walks in the woods with her pet cocker spaniels and lives on raw road kill and chips.”
….but I am sure you agree with me….she has done quite a bit of camping it out.