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Katie Price And Peter Andre: Lawnmower Races, Shaved Heads And Girls Aloud

by | 10th, October 2009

katie-price-career1KATIE Price and Peter Andre Watch: Katie shaves her hair into a Britney Spears, Katie’s new implant, Kerry Katona is missing, Alex Reid’s lawnmower races and Katie out-writes James Patterson…

The Daily Star leads with: “Jordan’s head shave shock – Katie goes for full Britney”.

There is picture of Katie Price with what at first glance looks like a new breast implant on her head. She is a cherry or well-placed spot away from having a new Jordan.

FURIOUS Katie Price has hit back at reports she’s gone mental by threatening to “do a Britney” and shave her head

So this is only computer wizardry. Katie has not shaved her head.

And when she read media reports she was suffering her own breakdown, she told make-up artist Gary Cockerill: “Let’s just give them what they want and shave my head. Now I know how Britney felt – they’re all after me. No wonder she had a breakdown. I am being treated the same as her so I may as well look the same.”

Look out for Katie juggling her kids, literally, and spilling out of hot-pants as he puts on weight and dry humps a pole before masses of screaming children.

Daily Express: “BOOBS ‘CAN BE TOO BIG’”

Too big for what? Not too big for the Express’s sister organs like Channel X and the Daily Star, where the only barrier to bigger breasts is the size of your TV screen and the width of your tabloid paper.

Surgeons say “going too big” can create an unnatural look as well as breast tissue damage, drooping and over-stretched skin.

But – fingers crossed – you should earn enough money from them to pay another surgeon to tie any loose skin into a novelty bunny tail or a novelty Peter Andre attachment.

Baltimore Sun: “James Patterson’s a slacker next to Katie Price”

“And to think I was in awe over James Patterson’s recent deal with Hachette, which calls for him to produce 17 books in three years (reportedly worth $150 million). I know he’s a mini-comglomerate, publishing series such as Maximum Ride and Alex Cross, but he has lots of experience, plus the help of collaborators.

But Brit Katie Price, aka the model Jordan (not to be confused with the river Jordan), puts him to shame. Only 31, she’s writing her fourth memoir in the past five years!

When she’s older, Katie will be able to rest her fallen Jordans on her book stack. And everyone wants to read about Jordan:

Reputable companies also do not want to get dragged into a sordid sales war where bitter partners are dishing the dirt on each other.”

Speaking about the mum-of-three’s latest endeavour, a spokesman for book chain Blackwell said: “She has done three already. This is not a book we would say to our readers, ‘You must buy.’”

Always good to have principals once you’ve cashed in on Katie Price and flogged thousands of her books. Because celebrities don’t sell books do they? Because books shops can make loads of money pumping out copies of proper literature by dead authors and don’t need to rely on books written by people off the telly? Because people like to be snooty about Katie Price while enjoying and profiting from her antics.

And Katie’s got lots to write about. Life moves pretty fast for Katie. Blink and you might well not have had enough Botox:

News Post Online: “Jordan, Alex Reid keeps neighbours up…with motorised lawnmower”

Former glamour model Katie Price, a.k.a. Jordan, and her cage fighter beau Alex Reid, are said to be keeping the neighbours up late at night by racing a motorised lawnmower.

Racing it against what? Our money’s on Katie’s lawn mower being her hair trimmers. And he mates. What mates? The Sun brings news:

JORDAN has been dumped by three of her four bridesmaids over her treatment of Peter Andre, The Sun can reveal. Best pal and pin-up Michelle Clack, 30, has not spoken to her for five months after she was told: “Choose Team Kate or Team Pete.”

Team Katie or Team Peter… Is there an option C?

Michelle chose Peter and Girls Aloud star Sarah Harding, 27, has ignored all calls from Jordan. Even drug shame star Kerry Katona has crossed her off her Christmas card list. Of the four at the 2005 wedding only former Liberty X singer Michelle Heaton, 30, has stood by Jordan, real name Katie Price.

This would be the Kerry Katona we are told is pushing for a OK! two-header with Jordan; Sarah Harding who is no longer in need of Katie’s patronage; Michelle Heaton who without Katie would feature in the press less often than a insert for blindness and Michelle Who?

Katie Price and Peter Andre – The Final Chapter: Addendum.



Posted: 10th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink