Cheryl Cole’s X Factor Lap Dance Undoes Whitney Houston’s Dress

HURRAH for the X Factor’s Cheryl Cole, whose singing over a backing tape of her, er, singing was a sensation on the show that still presents itself as a singing contest.

“It’s the “X Factor Babe’s Triumph”, screams the Daily Star’s front page. “CHERYL STEALS THE SHOW”. Cheryl has the “THE SEX FACTOR” (Mail) and the “WOW Factor” (Mirror) as she performs in an outfit from Kandy Rain’s bottomless draw.

Also singing on the X Factor was Whitney Houston, dressed in an elegant long gown. The Sun says she suffered an “embarrassing wardrobe malfunction with her frock”:

The six-time Grammy winner, backed by a troupe of male dancers, pulled a face when she realised the [dress] strap was sticking out.

Someone should have told Houston that you don’t need a wardrobe malfunction to be British pop star, you just need to come on stage dressed as a lap dancer and get mum, dad and the kids to clap along.

Get this from the Mail:

She was dreading performing on the same night as music legend Whitney Houston, but at least Cheryl Cole managed to keep her clothes on.

Cheryl had less clothes to keep on. But, of course, the difference is that while Cheryl Cole is declared a national treasure (did you vote on that decision?), Whitney Houston is a woman with a past. The Sun explains:

Judges Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole and Dannii Minogue gave her a standing ovation when she finished - but Sun readers phoned in to call the performance “appalling”… And when Dermot asked Whitney about the standard of this year’s X Factor contestants she paused for several seconds, before saying: “They are young. They have room to grow. Practice, practice, practice.”

She paused because a) she was thinking of something positive to say about a gaggle of end-of the-pier acts (the pier at Weston –Super-Mare); or b) “Whitney admitted to US talk show host Oprah Winfrey last month that she used to smoke marijuana and crack cocaine. She got clean of drugs after going to rehab”?

Cole got clean from assaulting a toilet attendant. And she never paused because she’s got a backing tape.

In case you are still unsure as to why Houston failed to gush about the Brothers Grime and singing contagion Olly-Murs, the Telegraph is here to help:

Questions were also raised about Houston’s physical condition as she looked drowsy and did not speak clearly when being interviewed by host Dermot O’Leary.

And Cheryl is not flaky like Whitney Houston. Cheryl is caring.

CHART-TOPPER Tinchy Stryder comforted Cheryl Cole backstage on Saturday night’s X Factor after Simon Cowell reduced her to tears, TV Biz can reveal… After the show Tinchy, 22, was on hand for support. A source said: “Tinchy told Cheryl not to worry and reassured her she’s got bags of talent.

Our Cherly is much more talented than Whitney Houston, who can’t even undress herself on stage. As the Star reports:

Many in the audience said her performance was even better than that of soul diva Whitney Houston…

Cheryl is more than that. Cheryl is a force for divine goodness:

Her vocals sounded a little shaky during the first part of her performance, but then it miraculously came together,’ one audience member said.

This might be because Cheryl sang the first bit and lip-synched the rest. But what Cheryl lacks in singing ability she makes up for in caring:

TEARFUL Rikki Loney was “gutted” after getting the boot on last night’s X-Factor after his performance of Westlife’s Flying Without Wings…Rikki, 22, put on a brave face as he was embraced by mentor Cheryl Cole, saying: “I’m totally gutted.” Cheryl added: “I am gutted, too.”

But what about Cheryl’s singing, or Sing-Singing, as it must be called for its alleged crimes against live music?

The 26-year-old performed a sexy dance routine and battled to overcome her nerves to belt out her new song, Fight For This Love, in real time. Show bosses upset fans this week when it emerged the Girls Aloud singer would pre-record the track. However, executives made a U-turn and Cheryl sang live with a little help from some pre-recorded vocals.

Just a little help, mind. Not like that Whitney Whatsherface:

Whitney Houston’s return to the charts has been questioned after a below par performance on X Factor was criticised by fans. She sang her single Million Dollar Bill, over some pre-recorded vocals…

The last words, however, must be with Simon Cowell, as ever they should be:

Singing her solo single Fight for This Love, she brought all the judges to their feet and had Simon Cowell declaring “That was incredible.”

What more proof do you need?

Image: lap dancer wannabe Coco Lloyd, of Kandy Rain (no miming), and national treasure star Cherly Cole (backing vocals on tape). Spot the differene.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (9) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink