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Anorak | X Factor: Victimised Cheryl Cole Wants To Punch Simon Cowell

X Factor: Victimised Cheryl Cole Wants To Punch Simon Cowell

by | 28th, October 2009

cheryl-cole3LOOK out Simon Cowell, it sounds like Cherly Cole has not developed as much had been hoped. The X Factor judge found guilty of assaulting a toilet attendant remains a fan of the short sharp shock, as the Star’s front page says:

“Simon Cowell is nasty rude and annoying. I want to punch him”

This is “nation’s sweetheart” Cheryl Cole on message. Anyone who has watched the X Factor cannot help but notice that the aim of the three non-Cowell judges is to turn on Cowell and say how wrong he is. The more forcibly they can do this the less chance the watching millions will realise that without Cowell the show loses its only talent.

The routine goes like this:

Cole: Check out me dimples
Cowell: Nothing short of awful. Horrendous
Louis Walsh: No. you’re wrong
Dannii Minogue: Stares purposefully

The audience cheers and hisses allowing Cowell time to think of a simile – “Your like Hitler without the fun”, or a metaphor, “You’re Cilla Black in braces.” The Star takes up the theme:

Cheryl Cole told last night how she feels like “lamping” Simon Cowell because he is so “nasty, rude and annoying”. The chart-topping Geordie beauty has broken her silence on the increased “friction” between her and Simon on this year’s X Factor.

Because Cowell is not the man who discovered her, made her, hooked her up to an Auto Tune machine, introduced her to America, gave her a No.1 hit and stuck her on the biggest telly show. Cole is standing up to Cowell because she and he are equals.

She admitted the pair have been at each other’s throats more than usual this year. And the Girls Aloud star claimed she has to “clench her fists” as Simon, 50, drives her mad by getting “more and more annoying … really annoying” during the show.

Here’s annoying Simon punctuating the end of Cole lip-syncing her song while dressed in a pair of sex shop chaps and dancing like a dad at a wedding to say how “incredible” she is. Says Cheryl:

“Maybe I should just lamp him.”

If she did, imagine the praise that he’d heap upon feisty Cheryl.

And the babe certainly packs a powerful punch. Six years ago the then Cheryl Tweedy was charged with causing actual bodily harm in a nightclub toilet.

Cole’s assault of a woman who works in a toilet is now a sign of her strength? Any more of this and we’ll be hearing how she’s the real victim.

Then within a month Cheryl’s world came crashing down again. She was charged with a racially-aggravated assault on nightclub toilet attendant Sophie Amogbokpa in Guildford, Surrey.

Cheryl says she was feeling euphoric, having the time of her life and celebrating her success with champagne. Then she went to the ladies’ and picked up some lollipops. As she reached for some change to pay all hell broke loose.

How unlucky is that? The News of the World takes up the story:

Cheryl was accused of stealing, retaliated and the cops were called. She insists she first heard the allegation of a racial element when answered her police bail a week later.

A sympathetic back story is constructed. Assault is now a form of defence.

Cheryl now reveals that as she prepared to fight a court battle to clear her name, she offered to QUIT Girls Aloud to save her four bandmates’ any trouble.

Her nobility is affirmed.

She admits she felt the anxiety creeping back – like her career, and everything she’d aspired and worked for was now at risk. She was desperately conscious that her four colleagues’ lives were also involved so she said she would leave the band if they wanted her to. She did not want to hold them back.

Her good heart is introduced and her victimhood – previously, we have been told how Cheryl battled with depression when younger.

In October 2003 Cheryl was convicted of the assault but cleared of any racial element. Now the star knows the experience, though traumatic, has made her a stronger person.

Cheryl wins!

As the Star now says:

But since that night of shame Cheryl has turned her life around with Girls Aloud and become a national treasure, thanks to the X Factor.

Anyone there when Cheryl Cole was declared a national treasure. Were you at the meeting?



Posted: 28th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink