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England Refuse To Play ‘Swine Flu’ Mexico At World Cup

by | 28th, October 2009

football-pigSCARE story of the day comes via the Sun, wherein readers are told that footballers are spreading swine flu:

PREMIER LEAGUE stars were last night ordered to stop spitting amid fears of spreading swine flu. The Health Protection Agency have stepped in, trying to stop the infection being passed on. Three Blackburn players have had the virus including Chris Samba and David Dunn, while four unnamed Bolton stars are sick.

No spitting on order of the HPA, whose spokesman clears his throat:

“Spitting is disgusting at all times. It’s unhygienic and unhealthy, particularly if you spit close to other people. Footballers wouldn’t spit indoors – so they shouldn’t do it on the pitch.”

You don’t kick a football as hard as they can into a net indoors, neither do they dry hump other men nor wear studded boots, although we cannot speak for them all, and you know who you are. And there is always indoor football.

“If they are spitting near other people it could certainly increase the risk of passing on infections. Spitting is a nasty habit that should be discouraged by the clubs. It’s about setting examples for young people who idolise them.”

We can’t have our young people looking up to the idols – literally – and getting showed in the face by huge globs of unbranded phlegm and snot. It’s just not on.

He added footballers should follow public guidelines by washing their hands, covering their mouth when sneezing and disposing of used tissues.

They should also follow the fine example set by the likes of Rafa Benitez in not shaking hands and avoiding the antics of Jose Mourinho, no friend to public health, who was lucky to get out of that soiled laundry basket alive.

At this summer’s World Cup we urge all England players to shake no hands, cover their mouths when any local speaks in their area and if drawn against Mexico for each player to use their own ball that only they can touch.

Of course, if Mexixo take a shot on goal, the English ‘keeper must avoid the ball at all costs – which is why Scott Carson must be the first name on Fabio Capello’s team sheet…



Posted: 28th, October 2009 | In: Sports Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink