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Anorak | Jedward: What John And Edward Will Sing To Win The X Factor

Jedward: What John And Edward Will Sing To Win The X Factor

by | 30th, October 2009

fielding_yvette2JOHN & Edward will be singing We Will Rock You on the X Factor next week. Not only will Thing 1 and Thing 2 be getting the audience to stamp their feet and clap their hands, but they will also be rapping. This is the Five version of the hit queen song.

It could not be more terrible. And its very awfulness will ensure that John & Edward move on step on to becoming this year’s X Factor champions.

Having so far performed Oops! I Did It Again by Britney Spears is a kak-footed, tuneless version of the singer that could see the lads make a fortune as musical impressionists, and a version of Ricky Martin’s La Vida Loca that was a brilliant parody of the Latino heartthrob who always threatens that he about to sing and dance but never quite erupts.

Indeed, Martin’s shtick of sticking a pose that suggests much more rhythm to come has been adopted by the X Factor’s Cheryl Cole who doesn’t dance so much as ape the Windmill Theatre’s tableaux vivants, stain stock still between swift jerks.

But we digress. The focus is on John & Edward., and what they will need to sign to win the show. What ever it is is has to be memorable. And because Jedward are awful it has to memorably awful.

Jedward’s mentor is Louis Walsh, the man who brought us the mixed singing and bad dancing Boyzone, and then Westlife, a slower, shorter version of Boyzone. Jedward can move on the standard by remaining stock still while giving full throat to Phil Collins’ back catalogue.

So what next for Jedward. We got to thinking, and we presents the Jedward album: Snap & Crackle Make Your Ears Go Pop:

Respectable – Mel & Kim

The Reflex – Duran Duran

Wake Me up Before You Go-GoWham!

YMCA – Village People

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini – Timmy Mallett

The Birdie Song – The Tweets

Long Haired Lover From Liverpool – Little Jimmy Osmond

Life Is Life – Opus

Smells Like Teen Spirit – Nirvana

Rednex – Cotton Eye Joe

Sussudio – Phil Collins

Fernando – ABBA

Hangin’ Tough – New Kids On The Block

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da – The Beatles

And for the final:

Agadoo – Black Lace



Posted: 30th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink