I’m A Celebrity: Naked Katie Price Becomes Kate And Jordan ‘Dies’

I’M A Celebrity: Katie Price is dying. Kate Price is upon us. Jordan makes a naked dash for fame. And the worms get ready to complete the food cycle…

Daily Star (front page): “JORDAN: I’LL DIE IN BUSH”

Is that Bush the famous Shepherd’s Bush, location of the overgrown Blue Peter Garden and the BBC’s Television Centre? To viewers it looks like the Australian Bush, made to look bigger by clever angles and having little Ant ‘n’ Dec present the show.

Jordan will die in this Bush. Having eaten so much insect, she will become insect food.

KATE Price believes she is so hated, the public actually want to see her die in the jungle.

Kate Price. She was Katie Price, before that Jordan. Why is she now being billed as Kate Price? Is this an attempt at dramatic reinvention, Kate Price being reality TV’s answer to Madonna, a frog or Jesus? After Kate, Katie will be KP, the local nut with split personality disorder and a chest she rest her TV dinner on.

As for the news:

The star thinks she has been targeted by enemies who want to kill her off during one of the dangerous Bushtucker Trials. Kate, better known as Jordan, was shaking with fear yesterday when fans voted to put her up for her fourth challenge in four days.

Only:

However, desperate Kate, 31, has decided to resort to Jordan-style tactics to try to win support by stripping naked at night.

Little wonder Katie Price was paid five or six times more than her jungle agonists. There are lots of Katie Price’s to feed. The Star says Katie has endured four Bush Trials. She hasn’t. Katie Price has performed one, Kate Price another, Jordan a third and the fourth challenge was enacted Kat Price, a would-be headmistress from Surbiton.

For her fifth trial, Katie will be Pricey, a professional footballer playing in the lower leagues.

Back to the story:

She has been sleeping in the nude, with cameramen rushing to film her. As she tackled her latest scary challenge yesterday, called Hell Holes Extreme, she was pushed over the edge of terror.

The smutty jokes write themselves. Katie sets them up – Katie hammers them in.

Jordan is dead. Long live whatshername!

The Katie Price Burning: A Life In Pictures

Anorak

Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink