The Secret To A Happy Marriage Is Fear, Animals And A Hairy Back

A REPORT in the Journal of Police and Criminal Psychology says the recipe for a stable home life is to marry an agricultural engineer, optometrists, dentists, a member of the clergy or a podiatrist.

They stay with their partners longest because they are, in order: living on a remote farm with no livestock; spending time with the elderly; depressed; fearful of being watched and judged; and only ever see feet.

If you want volatility marry a dancer, choreographers, bartenders, massage therapist, or telephone operator. Phone operators make unreliable lovers – for them, the thrill is in being engaged. Geddit?!

Anyhow, it’s all scientific fact. Dr Michael Aamodt, an industrial psychologist and professor of Industrial and Organisational Psychology at Radford University in Virginia, has the fats. He also has a formula:

“To compute the divorce rate for each occupation, we used the following formula: (separated + divorced) divided by (total population - never married).

“This formula yielded the percentage of people in each occupation that had been in a marital relationship, but were no longer with their spouse… By controlling for demographic variables that might be related to divorce rates, we also obtained race, gender, age and income information for each occupation.”

The science is only half done, because no consideration is given to the spouse’s occupation, nor their past occupations. If you marry a farm hand who then works as a massage therapist, what are the odds of martial success if you have hairy back?

Back to the lab, doctor…

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Media Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink