Anorak | Tiger Woods’ Empathy Letter To Elin Nordegren

Tiger Woods’ Empathy Letter To Elin Nordegren

by | 20th, January 2010

tiger-woods-ladiesTIGER Woods can’t have sex for 18 weeks. The number seems apt given the 18 holes on a golf course. The Sun delivers the fact and confirms that it has been minutes, possible tens of minutes, since Tiger Woods last had sex.

Tiger Woods’ Women (Alleged)

A former patient at the sex rehab clinic where Woods is undergoing realignment therapy – pictures of women in golf slacks are flashed upon his retinas 24 hours a day while his ears are filled with the sounds of a overweight American middle-manager screaming “In The Hole”.

Josyln James

A source tells us:

“You can’t have sex and you can’t get excited.”

So golf it is?

Woods, we learn, has to sign a “celibacy contract” and write an “empathy letter” to his wife Elin Nordegren.

Anorak has taken the liberty of having first draft:

“Dear Elin. It’s what you next that counts. Just do it. It’s not a setback. It’s a test. Opportunity isn’t always obvious. We know what it takes to be a Tiger. What are you made of?”

Yours, Tiger.

PS – Fancy a shag?

Holly Sampson In Film

Posted: 20th, January 2010 | In: Sports Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink