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Anorak | Scots With Red Hair Are Vampire Mutants, Says Science

Scots With Red Hair Are Vampire Mutants, Says Science

by | 9th, March 2010

WANT to know why Scots have red hair? The Express can now reveal all.

“IT’S a mystery that has long baffled scientists – why so many Scots have red hair.”

No question mark. The Express just uses facts. Reader Yampster opines that Scots have red hair because they have been driven north by the “normal people”.

It turns out that the Express has facts to disprove that and more:

The answer, according to a new theory, is down to Scotland’s rotten weather – lots of rain and not much sun – and genetics.

Answer. Theory. The Express does love those facts:

Genetics student Emily Pritchard’s theory, detailed in Edinburgh University magazine EUSci, can be summed up as: Genetic mutation + bad weather = redheads.

Mutants. Scots have red hair because they are mutants. Nice research, Emily. Got any more facts?

Having the fair skin common to redheads in sunny southern climes would leave people more vulnerable to skin cancer.

Aveeeeeeeeeeeva Espania. This year we’re off to sunny Spaiaayyyyne. Aveeeeva Espania. Do they serve Buckfast on the playyyne…?

Emily, go on. What news of the vampire mutants?

But when groups migrated north where summers were shorter, red hair would have been less of a problem. Having a redhead’s pale skin may even have helped when sun was lacking, as it made the body better able to produce Vitamin D.

And Scots are made for Vitamins.

Ms Pritchard, a PhD student at the Human Genetics Unit at Edinburgh’s Western General Hospital, stressed her theory “was speculation rather than scientific study”.

More every day in The World’s Greatest Newspaper…



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