Anorak

Anorak | Britain’s Got Talent: Janey Cutler Is Twice As Hairy As Susan Boyle

Britain’s Got Talent: Janey Cutler Is Twice As Hairy As Susan Boyle

by | 8th, May 2010

IT’S Britain’s Got Talent’s Janey Cutler. The Sun says Janey is “SuBo II”, an improved version of the hairy prototype. Cutler is hairier, owns more cats, has a longer-dead mum, was starved of oxygen nitrogen at birth and will be pastronised twice as much as the old version. Janey has “Don Not Resuscitate” tattooed on her ambitions. JaCu is gonna be huge.

Janey might never have been kissed but she does have seven children. Janey sings in the Glasgow auditions on the “same Glasgow stage on which SuBo, 49, made her mark – to a similarly bored reception from the judges”.

Bored? Anorak recalls the judges being more mocking than bored, entertained by Susan Boyle’s sexy thrusts. Of course, the bored demeanour is meant to jar with the rapture when the unlikely stars opens their mouth to sing. The apparent gape of shock emphasises just how amazing the talent is.

Janey’s rendition of French icon Edith Piaf’s ‘Je ne regrette rien’ Ant McPartlin said of tonight’s performance: “Prepare to be stunned”. Yeah, look an old person on the telly who isn’t gasping for life on Holy City, illustrating a mugging or flapping thri jowls on Songs of Praise.

Yeah, Ant, someone old on the telly singing an old song. Nothing like ten-year-old Chloe Hinkinbottom singing an old tune nor Hairless Angel Christopher Stone.

The search for the freak who can till sing with enlarged pores continues…



Posted: 8th, May 2010 | In: TV & Radio Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink