What’s It REALLY Like To Have Sex With Hugh Hefner?
QUITE frankly I’d rather have sex with a portable TV aerial than Hugh Hefner. But be honest: haven’t you ever wondered what it’s like to be fucked by this Methuselah of Meaningless Mountings? Wonder no longer.
Kendra Wilkinson, a one-time dental assistant from San Diego, hit big time when octogenarian Hef waggled his vacuum constriction penis pump at her (I’d have settled for red roses myself) and invited her into his Playboy Whorehouse.
Now she’s just written a book about her life, and describes her intimacy with the bathrobed spurter:
“One of the girls asked me if I wanted to go upstairs to Hef’s room… It seemed like every other girl was going, and if I didn’t it would be weird. One by one, each girl hopped on Hef and had sex with him… for about a minute. I studied their every move. Then it was my turn… it was very weird. I wasn’t thinking about how much older Hef was—all the body parts worked the same. I wanted to be there.”
Such ambition! This sounds more like an initiation, or a cattle branding: the one minute proprietorial poke. Or a ceremonial bed pageant to establish his aided virility. But I fear Kendra was a little short-changed. Back in 2007, the old Madame Arcati blog reported the words of another ex-Bunny, one Jill Ann Spaulding.
“Hef just lies there with his Viagra erection. It’s just a fake erection, and each girl gets on top of him for two minutes while the girls in the background try to keep him excited. They’ll yell things like, ‘fuck her daddy, fuckk her daddaddy!’ There’s a lot of cheerleader going on! The main girlfriend wipes off his [uncondomed] penis. She’s the girl who actually shares the bed with him. She sleeps there all night. She’s around 22 years old. He uses all the same girls. She’s been there for three years now.”
Jill got a two minute initiation to Kendra’s one. Still, Hef’s not getting any younger.
Meantime, whatever happened to the Hugh Hefner biop(r)ic? If reports are to be believed, an actor strong enough to wear a 12-inch prosthetic penis for the starring role has yet to be found.
There’s only one man to play the cock. Mel Gibson.