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Anorak | Lucozade Linked To Hyperacticity: Pushy Parents Rush To Buy Stocks

Lucozade Linked To Hyperacticity: Pushy Parents Rush To Buy Stocks

by | 25th, July 2010

HAPPY days for mums and dads looking to make their sons the next Wayne Rooney – the makers of Lucozade and Irn-Bru tells parents that the drinks may cause hyperactivity.

It’s no guarantee – but fingers crossed that without enough Lucozade and Irn Bru in his diet by the time Armani takes to the pitch he’ll be so charged up  and off his face he’ll make our Wayne look as docile as, well Wayne Rooney at the World Cup.

Warning: Lucozade does not work on everyone – a fact illustrated by Alan Shearer who despite endorsing the drink looks to be barely alive when talking in a TV capacity while seated.

A newly introduced EU law enforces Lucozade and Irn Bru to carry “warnings” (surely a promise? – ed) that the drinks can cause young children to go bonkers, running about and screaming obscenities.

Says one Scottish football expert, raising aloft a bottle of Irn Bru:

“It might not make Scotland into a decent football team but it should at least bring in some fresh talent.”

England are sponsored by Saga holidays…



Posted: 25th, July 2010 | In: The Consumer Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink