Londoners Hire Marksman To Slaughter Foxes In Roehampton Close
MARKSMAN Bruce Lindsay-Smith has been hired to shoot dead foxes in Roehampton Close, Roehampton, London. Property management company Nightingale Chancellors had hired the killer to kill 10 foxes, whish, according to the Roehampton Close Residents Association, have befouling the area, digging holes and, lest it go unsaid, looking sly.
Bruce Lindsay-Smith, of County Pest Control – “a self-styled ‘Dirty Harry’ of the pest control world” – was to use live ammunition to shoot the creatures.
But police got wind of protestors’ plans to arrive at the scene and cause a stink and it’s been called off. Looks like residents will have to watch Masterchef and EastEnders for their kicks tonight.
Says a spokesman for Nightingale Chancellors to the local Guardian paper:
“We’ve been saturated by emails from people who know nothing about it.”
“Apparently there’s a West Sussex Wildlife Protection Group. We’ve also been contacted by the police. The amount of fuss this has created is quite ridiculous, I can’t believe people haven’t got better things to do.”
“If rats were running round killing people they would exterminate every one of them, but because foxes are seen as cuddly and cute as they are portrayed in the media and books then obviously people’s feelings are stronger against anything being done.”
Are foxes running round killing people? The Koupparis twins got bitten in Hackney. And as for getting good press, these are foxes that tied to eat the aforesaid twins, attacked a child, “savaged” another and triggered a nightmare. And then vigilantes beat a fox to death.
No-one died. Although six foxes were killed. Lindsay goes on, this time moving on from Dirty Harry to reprise the role of Jack Nicholson’s Joker in Batman:
“You can’t kill foxes without using live ammunition, it’s like you can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs.”
You can use a trap and then slaughter foxes at your leisure. Or you can use your bare hands – if you’re really tough…