I’m A Celebrity 2010 Line Up: Shaun Ryder To Eat Gillian McKeith
I’M A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! 2010. It’s a bumper crop of gonad munchers:
Nigel Havers – The Hugh Grant of his age. Fopped his way to glory in Chariots of Fire; son of former Lord Chancellor Baron Havers; never made it as a film star; most recently seen as a rent-a-shag in Coronation Street.
Chances of winning: 4 Gonads (of five)
Gail Porter – TV presenter famous for losing her hair to illness; shagging a minor pop star; having her naked arse broadcast onto the side of Houses of Parliament; talking about the above three things ever since.
3 Gonads
Shaun Ryder – Happy Monday’s singer. Who will Shaun eat first? And will they be raw?
4.5 Gonads
Britt Ekland – Actress and former Bond Girl famous for being well fit in her youth. Once married to Peter Sellers. Still blonde.
3.5 Gonads.
Linford Christie – Former Olympic sprinter and famous “lunchbox”. A man whose sporting glory was reduced to the size of his knob in unforgiving light blue Lycra. Tested positive for nadrolone (denies wrongdoing). Good news, then, for Olympic athletes: performance enhancers do NOT reduce the size of your bellend.
3 Gonads
Alison Hammond – Former Big Brother housemate and TV presenter least likely to wears bikini in shower. Loud. Loud. And loud. A Brummie – so presumed to be thick and unthreatening. Should do well.
Gonads: 4
Gillian McKeith – Nutritionist and poo examiner who will die a thousand deaths as she eats an anus. A hateful figure of food fascism whose TV shtick was to chuck your week’s diet of chips and sauce into a big mush and show you how gross it looked. It looked terrible – but that heap of steaming humus and beans looks a lot worse. As does Gillian,
Got her PhD from a non-accredited correspondence school in America and has never published any properly evaluated scientific research.
Gonads: 1
Lembit Opik – Former MP, who shags anything from a weather girl to a Cheeky Girl. If you have “girl” in your job title Lembik will shag you. Betty White – the last Golden Girl – be warned.
Gonads: 3
Stacey Solomon – Former X factor finalist who looks a bit like an Afghan hound eating a chicken wing.
Gonads: 4
Dom Joly – Largely silent comedian whose Trigger Happy TV was a global hit. Went to the same school in Lebanon as Osama bin Laden. Look out for that fact being repeated. Will get on with Havers.
Gonads: 3.5
Sheryl Gascoigne – Former wife and punchbag for footballer Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne. Mother to strumpet Bianca Gascoigne. Will talk about both.
Gonads: 3.
Aggro Santos – Rap star who will be eaten by rats as befitting the Star Trek Rule that the person you’ve never seen before dies first.
Posted: 9th, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, Tabloids Comments (5) | TrackBack | Permalink
