X Factor Final Photos: Why We Hate The X Factor
X FACTOR final: In readiness for the X Factor final to end all finals – ever! – Cheryl Cole held Cher Lloyd’s hand at London’s The Connaught Hotel. Cheryl’s holding of hands is now a mainstay of the show. It’s one of those annoying habits that makes the X Factor the programme you hate to watch. Other pets hates are:
Louis Walsh shouting over the crowd to tell the act that they are “INCREDIBLE”.
Cheryl Cole announcing her acts for the corrupt sing-off in a flat-voice with unblinking eyes. This is meant to show her as deep and knowing. She looks like she’s holding in a fart. She makes us wonder if this is the kind of come-to-bed voice she used on Ashley. If it is, it might explain much.
Simon Cowell walking behind the scenes. He is filmed from below to make him look tall and powerful. He offers bon mots like, “One Direction are truly incredible artists and “That was fantastic. Truly.” This sham is intended to make it appear that we at home are privy to Cowell’s authentic thoughts.
Adjectives overload. Everyone is amazing or fantastic or incredible. Then you close your eyes and listen, and they all sound average or dire. But the public do not vote for the best singer – they vote for what makes the best TV and who is the most freakish, shaggable or detestable. It sis not a singing contest that will unearth a great talent. It is TV show that will make money and entertain.
Dermot O’Leary’s panicky presentation style. Has ever a man ever looked so out of place in a suit? If the show is scripted, then O’Leary makes us ask: Who writes this stuff – and who gave them a crayon?
The way the wannabes stand before the panel like school children meeting the headmaster. These teachers are two people who can neither sing nor dance to any decent level (Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole), a man who made any sane music lover fear the words, “And everybody’s favourite Irish boys…” (Louis Walsh), and a middle-aged, unmarried, father-of-none who knows it’s all a manipulative con job but still manages to reel us in.