Snooki’s Book Is Like Listening To A Parrot Murdering Raymond Chandler
SNOOKI, aka Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, a half-pint–sized MTV fetish, star of Jersey Shore – a show set on a New Jersey beach but modelled on life in a Blackpool theme bar’s toilets in 1981 – has written a book.
The book is called “A Shore Thing”. The current lead Amazon review tells us:
By A. Martinez “Phesto” (Brooklyn, NY United States) –
I had run out of toilet paper and noticed that someone had left a copy of this wonderful book on the floor. Believe me this ain’t no Charmin but in a desperate situation it came in quite handy. Thank you Snooki for creating this fun filled emergency bum wipe.
But enough of that. What says Snooki? Well, here a few highlights from her tome. Think Raymond Chandler coming round after an emergency ab-realignment procedure and being faced with a stuffed parrot repeating his words to the foreign, non-English speaking surgeon.
“He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”
“Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla.”
“Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a ‘roid rage, it is a ‘road’ ‘roid rage.”
“Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”
“Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn’t nearly as gritty and disgusting as she’d seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank — on a weekday afternoon — was as clean and quiet as a church.”
Would you buy it?
Spotter: NY Post