Anorak | Pope Bans Non-Christian Baby Names: Brooklyn Beckham Damned

Pope Bans Non-Christian Baby Names: Brooklyn Beckham Damned

by | 11th, January 2011

POPE Benedict XVI, nee Joseph Ratzinger wants every baptised child to have Christian name that he likes. A Christian name is “an unequivocal sign that the Holy Spirit gives a rebirth to people in the womb of the Church.”

He decrees:

“Do not give your children names that are not in the Christian calendar.”

All because the 12 Apostles were not called Geronimo (Italian Defence Minister Ignazio La Russa’s son’s name), Buddy Bear Maurice (Jamie Oliver), Hero (Alice Douglas’s daughter), Marijuana Pepsi JacksonTarzan (one for the Creationists, there), Talula Does The Hula From HawaiiBOCh RVF 26062002, or Trig.

It’s all just matter of luck, isn’t it? Just because Joseph was named after a local fashion designer’s handbag range, millions of good Christians are called Joseph. Jesus was only the stage name of Bethlehem crooner Chelsea Greenbaum.

But the message is clear: if you want to go to heaven do not be called Brooklyn…

Posted: 11th, January 2011 | In: Reviews Comments (2) | TrackBack | Permalink