Five Reasons Why Scotland Fans Did Not Racially Abuse Brazil’s Neymar
1. A banana is a piece of fruit. The last time a Scotland fan was seen with banana at a football match it was the mid 1980s and the fruit was made of plastic and air.
Image: The modern version of the Scots banana can be fried and battered.
2. Scotland fans are not racist. Half of Scotland’s fans think Neymar is a Papist. The other half take him for a Proddy. In the interests of fan unity it has been agreed that Neyma is a Muslim with Jewish hair.
3. Tartan Army spokesman Hamish Husband says:
“The reason Neymar was booed was because we believed he was feigning injury. Racism has no place in the Tartan Army and if it did, it would be stamped out immediately because we are self-policing. Any suggestion of racism from the Tartan Army, as far as I am concerned, is absolute tosh. We accept that Brazil played us off the park, and we applauded them for that.”
4. The banana emerged from the end of the ground housing mostly Brazil fans – infamous fresh fruit enthusiasts (see Carmen Miranda).
5. Brazil fans are not racists. It is just a coincidence that street children are black and the police who disappear them are not as black.