Simon Cowell Turned Down Chance To Watch A Couple Having Sex
IMAGINE the towering gloom and endless pools of unyielding hate that a man must hold within to think that his life was in desperate need of Simon Cowell, perched at the foot of your bed while you have sex with your wife.
This may sound like some terrible daydream, but according to the eerily toothed talent-show mogul, this is what happened when someone invited him to critique his skills in the sack.
Note, this wasn’t a cash offer to see Cowell joining in, rather, to simply stand over the coitus and tut repeatedly and chirruping “you smashed it”.
“He offered me $150k to criticise him bonking his wife”
“The crazy part of the story is I said no. It would have been a much more interesting story now if I’d accepted the offer.”
The man who made Cowell the offer, in fairness to him, is impressively jaded if that’s what he needs to kickstart his lovelife again. He must loathe himself more than a listless teenage Smiths fan.
Cowell went on, with his weird man boobs twitching beneath his expensively drab clobber:
“[The man] was taking it quite seriously and I knew I would laugh. I just thought, “No this is too crazy”, but I genuinely regret it now.”
We can only assume that the man who made the offer is now dead after flinging himself from a pier or something.