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Anorak | Mariah Carey Is Stupid Because She Thinks Her Unborn Twins Have Different Personalities

Mariah Carey Is Stupid Because She Thinks Her Unborn Twins Have Different Personalities

by | 12th, April 2011

IT must be slowly dawning on Mariah Carey that she’s not the only person on Earth who has ever had a baby. As each new stretch mark appears on her drum-taut stomach and each haemorrhoid pings like popcorn from her anus, her sheer will to make this whole pointless event special grows and grows.

Fact is, her new children are just another pair of things to occupy some vital space on our failing planet. They’re guaranteed to grow-up to be disappointing adults, drunk on their own sense of self worth and ultimately jaded at the prospect that they’re just things that live to ultimately die without ever achieving anything remotely great in their lives.

At least they’ll have stupid celebrity names and a vast fortune to fall back on, eh?

In the meantime, Mariah is desperate to sprinkle some la-la dust on the whole thing and now she’s

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Posted: 12th, April 2011 | In: Music Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink