Blue Invent Turd Pop With Inevitable Eurovision Failure!
BLUE are impressively awful. They make music for people who clearly don’t own a rudimentary ear or functioning brain cell. And making up the numbers in the band are Lee ‘Doesn’t Care About The Victims Of 911’ Ryan, Duncan ‘Looks Like A Dummy In The Window Of Next’ James, Simon ‘A Thing To Occupy Some Shoes’ Webb and, last and by no means least, Anthony ‘Likes Having A Piss On Cash Machines’ Costa.
And these reprobates are leading the charge into Europe like the most ineffectual army the world has ever known, as they stake a claim to be slightly more popular than a singing funeral director from Moldova or whatever they’re entering into this year’s Eurovision Song Contest.
So dislikeable are the boys from Blue, that we’re are absolutely guaranteed to make the rest of Europe hate us so much that they might actually declare war against us or, indeed, ask us as a nation, to never make another sound for the rest of eternity.
We’ve all had a nice time since Blue parted ways in 2005. Britons have been seen to be happily walking around and smiling without fear of a new Blue single spoiling everyone’s mood. Yet sadly, they’re back ‘I Can’. Sadly, as the song confirms, they can’t.
And now we’ve got a horrible promotional video to gawp at, filling us all with a spectacular amount of dread and loathing, not seen since we saw Peter Mandelson dancing to ‘Things Can Only Get Better’.
The video itself is an unfussy affair, with the assembled nincompoops standing around and pouting while breathily muttering about absolutely nothing. Amusingly, someone in the studio decided to sneak in a “OOOOH” noise into the mix, showcasing the repeated cries of disappointment which will be made when this track is unveiled to a Europe that, frankly, hasn’t done anything to deserve it.
Take a look for yourself, before bathing your mind in Domestos.