Wayne Rooney: The X Factor Judge
ANYONE could be a judge on Britain’s Got Talent or the X Factor. The judges aren’t chosen for their knowledge in talent or music (if that were the case, do you honestly think that Amanda Holden would be near your screen, ever?), but rather, for their confidence in front of camera and, presumably, their nepotistic friendship with Simon Cowell doesn’t do any harm either.
And so, it is obvious that Wayne Rooney should be a judge on the next series. Why? Mainly because he’s famous and thick.
He watches the show too. And, like everyone else who tunes in, he likes spouting his stupid fat mouth off about people giving it a go in life (which, ironically, is Britain’s real talent, as underlined by this very article).
We know this because he tweeted throughout the show, while simultaneously wondering which poor bastard had to be scalped in order to give him his new Frankenstein’s Monster hair.
At one point, he tweeted Piers Morgan:
“To be fair to u piers judges not great this year. Think Mkintyre is a bit scared of cowell.”
Piers retorted with:
“I think you and me should judge it together next year Wazza. Especially if you’ve got hair like Rod Stewart by then.”
Which saw Rooney replying with the kind of wit that would slay the most loquacious raconteur:
“couldn’t be any worse”
These exchanges are a clear indication that Rooney should be a judge on BGT or the X Factor. We need his razor insight into proceedings whilst his hair grows uncontrollable and wild, so quickly that he’ll be constantly surrounded by a team of hairdressers with shears.
We need to see him utter things like this on our screens:
“Roman defo won bgt. What a voice for his age. Talented lad.”
“Sorry meant ronan. Respect little man. Great voice.”
Someone make this happen. Now. Or we’ll steal Rooney’s new hair and point at gun at it ’til it cries, okay?