Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Wife Laughs, Then Probably Cries, In The Face Of Reconciliation
BICEP brained Arnold Schwarzenegger is probably sat somewhere on his own right now, silently weeping over photographs of his family that he destroyed when he forgot to put a condom on while entering his maid and then keeping the resultant child a secret for a decade or so.
He’s probably sent texts to Maria Shriver, his soon-to-be-ex who will take him to the financial cleaners, saying ‘I can change’, which are clearly very funny if you read them aloud in his voice.
However, Maria is not interested, making it abundantly clear that there’s absolutely no chance of her giving their marriage another try.
Neither Arnold nor Maria have actually got round to filing for divorce as yet, which probably means that His People are talking to Her People in a bid to sort everything out before it gets to the courts. That loosely translates as ‘He’s throwing money at her until she gives in’.
A source says:
“Maria has already begun to move on from her failed marriage. She and Arnold do talk, they have to – they have four children together”
Five if you include the secret one.
“But, Maria has made it clear to Arnold that there is no chance at a reconciliation. Arnold finally seems to be accepting this, but he doesn’t like it.”
The source adds:
“It’s very likely that they will iron out a divorce settlement before they even file, and that is the goal. She doesn’t want the children to be collateral damage in all of this.”
Very noble. Maybe Arnie should have thought of that before impregnating his maid. Sadly, the real losers in all of this are we the public who now have to think of Arnold having sex and, should he lose a lot of money in the divorce settlement, he’ll end up making more awful, awful films.