Hugh Hefner’s Fiance Crystal Harris Dumps His Ageing Peen 5 Days Before Wedding (Photos)

PLAYBOY founder Hugh Hefner must be in pieces right now. That’s because he’s 4,600 years old. Emotionally, he’ll be devastated too as his bride-to-be, Crystal Harris, has called time on their obviously love-based relationship 5 days before they were due to wed.

The 25 year old Playmate was obviously deeply in love with Hef, attracted to the liver-spots on his member and the cute way he screamed in agony every time he had to breathe in or out.

However, it was not meant to be and she jilted him while almost on the altar. She says, in a statement that was absolutely written by her…

“After much deep reflection and thought, I have decided to end my engagement with Hef. I have the utmost respect for Hef and wish him the best going forward.”

Sad isn’t it? It gets even sadder when you realise that the next issue of Playboy will feature Crystal Harris alongside the words ‘America’s Princess: Introducing Mrs. Crystal Hefner‘. Just imagine, poor ol’ Hef trying to create enough moisture in his eyes to have a good cry over it as he sits in a darkened room, wishing he was dead (not long now Hef!).

Worse still is that the New York Post are claiming that the Playmate was going to dump him actually on the altar in exchange for a $500,000 media deal.

A source said:

“Her plan was to walk up the aisle and say she couldn’t go through with it. The wedding was to be filmed for a reality special, and her refusal to marry him would be a sensation.”

There’s also the rumours that Crystal was having an affair with someone called Jordan McGraw, although as plausible as it seems, it is worth pointing out to any watching lawyers that Harris’ management have said that this is”absolutely incorrect.”

Hef is now going to have to go back to his miserable life of being surrounded by nubile young women and firing up the penis pump.