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Anorak | Ayman al-Zawahiri’s Beats Gwyneth Paltrow And Tony Blair To Al Qaeda Leadership: Acceptance Speech In Full

Ayman al-Zawahiri’s Beats Gwyneth Paltrow And Tony Blair To Al Qaeda Leadership: Acceptance Speech In Full

by | 16th, June 2011

AND the new leader of Al-Qaeda is… (rustles envelope; looks up to cameras; smiles…)… Anthea Turner. Only joking, Anthea. TV’s sweetheart sits back down at the Holiday Inn, Slough, Ascot function room.  The new leader is… Ayman al-Zawahiri.

Voice over (Graham Norton): “Mr Al-Zawahiri takes over the job from Osama bin Laden, who was forcibly retired at an EGM earlier this year.”

A heckler shouts out:

“FIX! Al-Qaeda… Al-Zawahari… It’s bloody nepotism. The elite keep the top jobs for themselves. Booo! Fix!!!”

A man from al-Qaeda’s General Command, a Mr Call Me Al-Zawahari Junior, steps forward:

“Sheikh Dr Ayman al-Zawahiri, may God guide him, assumed responsibility as the group’s amir [leader]”

More heckling. Sounds of gunshot and women crying.

Al-Zawahri speaks:

“Whooo. Yeah!

“The sheikh has departed, may God have mercy on him, to his God as a martyr and we must continue

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Posted: 16th, June 2011 | In: Key Posts, Politicians Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink