Paris Hilton Splits Up With Cy Waits, Which Is Frankly Tragic For Everyone On Earth
TRAGEDY! When the feeling’s gone and you can’t go on, it’s a tragedy. You know how it is. The pain of a break-up is incredibly difficult to bear as you lie in your bed, yearning for that big empty space to be filled again. The pan which you cooked meals for two becomes redundant as you being your tear-filled life with microwaveable meals for one and sleepless nights, wondering if love may ever gambol through your heart again.
Until then, the despair envelopes your entire being, leaving you feeling lost, hurt, betrayed and staring blankly into an unforgiving middle distance, once occupied by your dreams and happiness.
And these complex feelings of lost love will almost certainly be felt by two of the world’s greatest minds – Paris Hilton and Cy Waits.
That’s right. Helplines are being set up in the Anorak offices as we speak after a representative confirmed that two of our greatest raconteurs have decided to call it a day, leaving the rest of us wondering if there’ll ever be another love like this to capture our collective hearts.
The celebutante and her nightclub owning boyfriend have gone separate ways, not only breaking their hearts, but the world’s also. This is a split that will resonate in our souls for an entire generation. It truly is our JFK moment.
A source told UsMagazine.com:
“They are broken up. It’s sad. She cares about him a lot and thinks he’s a great guy but they really hit a rough patch.”
And now Hilton’s rep, Dawn Miller, has revealed the speculation is true.
“I can confirm that Paris Hilton and Cy Waits have ended their relationship. It was a joint and amicable decision. They both have respect and care for one another and ask for you to please respect their privacy.”
Oh well, we’ll just have to watch that grotty nightvision video of Paris to get over it eh? And when we’re done with that, we’ll just have to go back to wondering what exactly it is that privacy-seeking Paris Hilton offers the world other than teeth grinding irritation.